Headphones
by Tchaifoxky
Summary: After a tragic incident Amu was scarred for life. Without her headphones, she would hear voices. A few times, the voices even would convince her to attempt suicide. Will someone save her? Or is she condemned to loneliness for the rest of her life?
1. Chapter 1

_**Chapter 1**_

Amu Hinamori, a teenage girl with cute pink hair, and mysterious golden eyes was staring up at the ceiling in her bed, her headphones on. Amu always wore her black headphones studded with dark pink rhinestones. Amu had a special condition, it started when she witnessed something, something she wished she could forget, but she never could. It was so traumatic for Amu, that something occurred to her. Ever since that fateful day, she heard voices. If her headphones weren't on and playing music, the voices would start screaming at her, blaming her. The parents, Midori and Tsumugu, were so close to have to send their beloved child to the insane asylum that they called the best doctor out there to find a solution.

Ever since the incident, Amu put up an attitude, others called it 'cool and spicy' it was fine with Amu. It hid what she was truly feeling inside.

"Amu, can you come down here please?" she heard mother call. Amu groaned but got out of bed. When she came downstairs she saw her mother holding a plate with pancakes on it. Amu groaned, she remembered that she would have to start a new day at school. Her parents had just moved due to their work. Mr. and Mrs. Hinamori worked together to write magazines. Midori did the writing while Tsumugu did the photography. They were quite successful, okay, that was an understatement, they were actually one of the most successful pairs in the world.

"So Amu, our article in the magazine requires for us to go away for a while, but the problem is, well we're traveling by airplane." Amu sighed, she knew what that meant. She would have to stay home. Amu would have to turn off her music for a time when the plane was lifting off and touching down, she wouldn't be able to handle it. "So Amu, we're going to take Ami with us, and we have set up a living situation with one of our new colleagues. Because her children actually go to the same school as you, she's going to pick you up after school." Amu looked up and nodded, acting as though she didn't truly care she asked, "so, when are you leaving?" At noon, after we check in at work. So go pack some of your things now before school, then I'll give them to my colleague at work." Midori then checked the clock, "Oh my gosh Amu! You have to go to school! Don't worry, Ami and I'll pack for you." With that, Amu was pushed out the door.

Amu sighed, she didn't really want to go to school. The last school she went to weren't great. To her face they would always adore her, but behind her back, they whispered and jeered. True, it did seem odd that she always wore headphones, but she wished they wouldn't be so two-faced. 'Well, at least it's better than what they would do if they know about my problem.' Amu sighed, for what seemed like the thousandth time, she had seen too much for a girl that was only in high school should have, and it took its toll. The voices, when they would come out, definitely didn't help the matters. Honestly, a few times they almost convinced Amu to commit suicide. She wasn't emo, nor was she goth, just…lost.

Amu was pulled out of her thoughts when she almost ran into the gate that somehow appeared right in front of her. Amu looked up, the school was huge! The yard of the school was beautiful and high class, and the building itself, well it was just… woah. That's the only way to describe it, it was beyond explanation. Amu slowly reached her hand out to push open the gates when suddenly it crashed open to a blue-haired boy being chased after a girl with blonde pigtails. Unfortunately for Amu, when the gate knocked her over, it also knocked off the headphones. Her eyes widened. She frantically searched for them, already the voices were whispering, getting louder by the second. Thankfully, she found them rather quickly.

"Oh Ikuto! You're in for it now! Not only did you totally ruin my candy, but now you also knocked over a new girl!" The supposed Ikuto then jumped up onto the brick wall surrounding the school. A great feat considering that it was taller than him. He sat down on it, bringing one of his knees up to his chest and smirked. "Oh, sorry about that, I didn't know you cared so much Utau." "Ikuto! I'm going to kill you when come down from there!" This caused Ikuto to smirk more, "If that's so, then I think I'll just stay up here." "You can't stay up there forever you darn cat!" They both had clearly forgotten about Amu. Amu looked at Ikuto, now that she thought about it, he did seem like a cat. She could just imagine cat ears and a tail on the guy. The smile immediately dropped from her face, 'cool and spicy' she thought. She then got up and walked into the school yard, making sure her headphones were situated properly on her head.

As soon as she walked into the school, everyone started to stare at her. On the inside she squirmed, but the outside remained cool. Then all of a sudden, everyone squealed, "so cool and spicy!" The boys had hearts in their eyes, the girls were in admiration. Amu just kept walking and reached the office.

The secretary looked up and gave Amu her schedule and locker number when Amu asked. Then noticing the headphones, "you can't wear those during-" she cut off when Amu handed her a piece of paper indirectly stating her reason for them from her parents. The secretary looked at it and put it on her desk then went back to her work when Amu walked away. Amu looked at her schedule, the first thing she had was science. Oh what joy. That was Amu's _favorite_ subject, it just brought her such happiness thinking about it.

As she was thinking about how she hated- oh! Sorry. I meant _love_ the subject; she bumped into someone. It was a tall boy with brown hair and bright green eyes. The headphones almost came off, she quickly, in the blink of an eye, she readjusted her headphones. The boy didn't seem to notice this. He steadied her, "sorry about that, say, you must be new. What's your name?" The boy asked. "Amu Hinamori, yeah I'm new." "That's cool, say, what class are you going to?" "Science." The boy's face brightened, "really? Cool! We're in the same class. C'mon, I'll show you to it." He grabbed Amu's hand and dragged her to the class.

So there Amu was, being completely and utterly bored, when suddenly that Ikuto guy barged into the room, "sorry for interrupting class Mr. Jan, but the principal would like to see Amu Hinamori." Everyone looked at Amu, she shrugged and looked uninterested, earning everyone (except Ikuto's) squeal. Amu got up and walked out the door and past Ikuto.

"So where is the principal's office?" Amu asked disinterestedly. "What? You're not going to thank me and proclaim me your savior from taking you out of class?" Amu ignored him and kept walking. She felt something grab her arm, she looked up and her golden eyes met his indigo. She immediately looked away, yanked her arm out of his hand and started to walk away. That's when she felt something, something grab her headphones…and yank them off.

 **In this story all of the guardians plus Utau and Ikuto are all around the same age and in highschool, if you haven't figured that out already.**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2**_

Amu tried to grab onto her headphones, but they were already gone. "Give my headphones back." She commanded, a small note of distress in her voice. Ikuto gave her an odd look, then gave them back, "it's bad to be addicted to music." He told Amu. She quickly placed them on to disperse the voices and glared at Ikuto, "someone like you wouldn't know or understand, so I suggest you shut up." Ikuto glared back, then realizing that they should be heading to the principal's office, he turned around and walked there. Amu growled in her throat quietly, but followed the guy.

When she entered the principal's office, the man looked up. The name plate on his desk read 'Principal Tsukasa'. The man didn't exactly look like a principal. He had bright violet eyes, and blonde hair, while his eyes were shrewd, the rest of his face looked soft and kind. Plus he looked like he could be no more than 35. As soon as Amu arrived, he looked up, "Oh Amu, it's nice to see you. Ikuto, you may leave to go back to class now, thank you." His eyes drifted to Ikuto, while his smile was sweet, his eyes said that Ikuto had no choice.

As soon as the door closed behind Ikuto, Tsukasa turned to Amu. "So Amu, I have been made aware of your situation." Amu looked away, 'great, and now I'm going to get pity.' "What did the doctors say about it?" Amu looked away, tears started to form in her eyes, "there is a very small chance that it will ever be truly cured." Tsukasa sat forward, interested, "did they say what could have a possible trigger to cure it?" Amu looked away, "they said that, they said that if I could find a way to cure my fear, guilt, and learn to trust people, there might be a chance." "Do you feel guilt and fear?" Amu's eyebrow twitched, "of course I don't! Those doctors were just crazy! Trying to find a way to make me feel better! They were just saying that so it would seem like I'm not crazy!" Tsukasa smiled, "so you think you are crazy?" "I don't know! Am I?! How would I know? It seems like it though." Amu's voice grew quiet until she was silent. "So, you might have a chance if you trust people?" Amu snorted, "as if I would ever trust people." Amu started to walk toward the door and was turning the doorknow when, "and why wouldn't you?" Amu stopped turning the doorknob, and slightly turned her head towards the principal, "because people aren't trustworthy, that's why they kill each other without a thought. They will always let fear take over themselves. There is _nothing_ good about us. Therefor there is nothing to trust." Amu walked out the door, not looking back.

Amu looked at the clock in the hall, it was already lunch time, that conversation surprisingly took longer than she thought it had taken. Amu walked outside and sat on the lawn. She just sat there and thought about her condition, and what it would be like if she didn't have it. Amu slowly looked down at the large scar on her wrist from when she had almost committed suicide but stopped herself. That was only one of the scars. 'Nothing to trust.' She told herself, she was proof. All the kids at her old school were proof. 'Not useless, just untrustworthy. Besides, even if they were, that doesn't mean that I would deserve to trust and be trusted.'

 _ **In another part of the yard**_

"Hey Utau." The blonde girl turned around and ignored her brother Ikuto. "Oh come on, don't be that way. I have something to tell you anyways." Utau opened one of her stunning violet eyes to look at Ikuto. "What is it. Make it quick, I don't have the time to waste on you." Ikuto chuckled, but regained his composure and informed her what he had just learned, "we just got a text from mom." Utau looked at Ikuto when he was finished. "That was actually worth my time, but you can go away Ikuto, I'll take care of it." "What? I don't get any gratitude? You're just like that new girl, she has absolutely no idea how to say- OW!" Someone bonked him on the head. He turned around to see the same 'new girl' he had been talking about.

Amu had been walking the grounds when she neared Ikuto and Utau. That's when she heard her name mention from the guy. When she was close enough, she punched him in the head. The satisfying "OW!" was heard. The girl 'I think her name's Utau,' smiled. "Nice. I've been wanting to do that for so long." Amu gave a small (and I mean like a minuscule Nano-tiny sized) smile. "Amu, are you still insulted for me saying that you're addicted to your music?" Amu glared at Ikuto, "I'm not addicted to music," she growled. Ikuto smirked, "then prove it," he challenged. Amu knew she couldn't prove it, she had no choice but to put her pride aside for a moment. "I will then." 'Darn you Amu! You weren't supposed to say that. Bad, bad, bad!' she scolded herself. Ikuto smirked, Amu didn't know what to do. It should have been obvious what to do, but Amu's pride and 'cool and spicy' attitude made it more complicated. Amu sighed, but just before she was about to lie… "how about I help you out?" Ikuto reached out and just about to knock off her headphones when she put her hand up, blocking him. "Fine, I'm addicted," Amu gave up. She knew she had to give in, although she did it quite reluctantly. Ikuto smirked, "I thought so." That's when Utau punched him in the head. "OW! What's with people punching me?" "If you weren't so rude and stupid then you wouldn't get hit." Then turning to Amu, "hey come with me…Amu right?" Amu nodded, "Ok come over here Amu, I want you to meet some people." Amu groaned in her head, she didn't do anything and already the girl thought of her as her friend. It was going to be a long day.

 **By the way, all of the school outfits are the same as in the anime**


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 3**_

Amu had no idea where that Amu girl was dragging her. Amu could see Ikuto walking behind her. Amu was not happy, but what else could she do? Nothing really. Just wait…and hope that Utau would let go soon. Yeah, that wish wouldn't come true any time soon. Amu's fairy godmother was definitely going to be fired soon.

Finally, Utau stopped, and Amu saw a group of people, one of them being the boy she met, Kukai, she believed his name was. "Hey guys, this is Amu Hinamori, she's new here and is officially apart of the group." 'Who made that decision?' Amu wanted to say, but she was instantly surrounded by welcoming teenagers. First came up a boy with blonde hair and brownish-pink eyes. He looked kind of sweet, but also…kind of… well…wimpy. "Hi, I'm Tadese, it's a pleasure to meet you Amu. Another boy came up, he had long dark purple hair and soft golden-brown eyes "Hi, I'm Nagihiko, I hope you have a great time here." Amu nodded, in her 'cool and spicy' way. A girl with golden blonde hair that matched her eyes simply stated, "Rima." Finally a girl with light reddish-brown eyes and hair came up and hugged Amu. Amu was shocked but didn't let her face show it. No one and I mean _NO ONE_ hugged her, like ever. EVER EVER. She didn't necessarily hate the feeling, but she wasn't ecstatic about it either. She didn't trust the any of them, they seemed to nice, too welcoming considering that they didn't like Amu. She gently unwrapped the girl's arms from around her. Then the girl looked at Amu and smiled, no, more like gave Amu a big toothy (slightly babyish) grin. "Yaya likes you!" Amu gave a smile, not sure what she was feeling inside. Then she felt someone tugging at her headphones. She whirled around and saw Ikuto was culprit. "IKUTO! What have I told you about not touching my headphones?" Ikuto shrugged, to make sure Ikuto knew, "touch the headphones, you die. A _very_ painful death." Everyone (except Ikuto) sweatdropped, 'if looks could kill…' they thought. Amu then turned around and walked off, looking at her i-pod and putting up a song, one that she felt all the time: Numb by Linkin Park, the nightcore version

I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface  
I don't know what you're expecting of me  
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes  
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there  
Become so tired, so much more aware  
By becoming this all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me?  
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control  
'Cause everything that you thought I would be  
Has fallen apart right in front of you  
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow  
And every second I waste is more than I can take!

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there  
Become so tired, so much more aware  
By becoming this all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know I may end up failing too  
But I know you were just like me with someone disappointed in you

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there  
Become so tired, so much more aware  
By becoming this all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be

Amu already felt like she failed, it was perfect. This song got her, she wanted the voices gone. She wanted to be more like herself and less like what the voices. Amu sighed, and reached up to touch her headphones, they were her lifeline, keeping her slightly sane.

Finally school was over after many excruciatingly long classes. She went over to the office where supposedly her 'teensitters' were supposed to pick her up. When she opened up the door… "Oh heck no!"

 **Sorry, that was pretty short, please review and tell me how you like my first shugo chara fic**


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter 4**_

When Amu opened the door to the principal's office, there stood Utau… and Ikuto. "Oh heck no! He better not be a part of the family I'm staying with!" Then she felt someone hug her, "Amu! Oh my gosh! You're the one who's staying with us! That's so awesome! We're going to have so much fun!" Amu's eyes softened, until she realized something, 'what would happen if you found out about me Utau? Would you still be so kind and caring? No, I just won't let you find out. I'm going to preserve this friendship.'

Ikuto was simply staring at Amu, his face was calm and not showing one hint of emotion as they were walking home. Utau had her arm on Amu's shoulder, busily chatting away about what they could do together. Then Ikuto smirked, "you know Amu, you're going to have to find a way to survive without your music for dinner you know." Amu looked at Utau to ask if Ikuto was right, "yeah, sorry Amu, my mother has a little rule about music at dinner. Probably so father and Ikuto actually eat at dinner." Amu only nodded, now kind of scared. "O-oh ok." Amu looked down, her good mood instantly deflated.

 **Later that night**

Mrs. Souko Tsukiyomi had just arrived home from her job after she had greeted her two children, she noticed Amu standing off in the corner of the room. She walked over to the girl, and asked her, "I'm guessing you're Amu Hinamori?" Amu nodded, "Amu, is something wrong?" "Well, I heard that I won't be able to wear my headphones during dinner?" Souko looked at the girl, "that's our family rule yes, I think you might have to follow it, otherwise this house won't get any peace from Ikuto and my husband, Aruto." Amu looked away, "well, do you have a sound proof room?" Souko looked at her oddly, "yes, why?" "I need to show you something."

Souko led Amu to one of the rooms. As soon as the door was closed and shut tight, "don't freak out, if it starts getting really bad just hand me the headphones. I at least won't hurt you." Souko looked at the child. Amu took a few deep breaths, trying to calm her nerves, she then gave Souko her headphones and stepped back a few paces.

After a few seconds the whispers turned to screams. Amu's knees collapsed underneath her, her eyes wide (pupils dilated), her hands flew up to her ears trying to block out the screams. ' _You murderer! You're disgusting! Alone! No one even likes you, you monster! You killed that innocent person!_ ' "I didn't kill him! I-" ' _but you didn't do anything did you?'_ "I couldn't do anything!" _'Go die you insane loser! You're all alone anyways, what does it matter whether you're alive or not.'_ "NO! I can't! I won't do that!" Souko was looking at the child worriedly now. _'Who will care?'_ "No one, but I just can't." _'What? Scared?'_ "I'm not scared! Leave me alone! I'm not alone! I won't kill myself! I won't!" _'Fine then, I'll just take measures into my own hands.'_ Suddenly, Amu's hands began to move on it's own. Amu just had enough self-will to look up at Souko, "please," she whispered, "the- the-" Souko quickly slipped the headphones on. Amu was breathing hard, and shakily pulled herself up but fell back down. The voices stopped. Tears were streaming down her face. Souko stood, staring at the poor girl, schocked, pitiful, and scared. Amu looked away, "now you see what's wrong with me. I'm a monster, and these headphones," she pointed to them, "keep me caged. These headphones protect me from myself."

Souko forced herself to speak, when her colleague had told her Amu had problems, she never expected this. She had just thought that Amu was sassy and talked back, not this. "Amu," Amu looked at the woman, fear in her eyes, then Souko did something unexpected. She hugged Amu. "You are not a monster." Amu's eyes dropped to the floor, 'I wish I could truly believe that. But I can't, because it's not true. Nor could it ever be.' Amu looked away, "Mrs. Tsukiyomi?" Souko looked at the girl, "please don't tell Utau or Ikuto." "But dear, wouldn't it be easier to tell them?" Amu shook her head and stepped back from Souko's embrace. "I shouldn't have even showed you this. I don't want people to know this, as long as I have it in control it doesn't need to be known." Souko nodded, "Ok, I won't tell them Amu." Amu smiled sadly, "thank you Mrs. Tsukiyomi."

With that, Amu walked out the door, the voices still ringing in her ears, the voices wouldn't go away for a few minutes. 'Oh, crap. I should have stayed there and sat down, otherwise-' Amu's vision started to go black, 'you can do it Amu. It's not that bad, you can hang in there Amu, you _'FREAK!'_ Amu's breathing got harder. She sat down, but she didn't realize what. Problem was, it was a stair railing, when Amu's vision completely black, she fell. Down down towards the ground. So far down.

She was close to hitting the ground. in the position she was in, if she hit the ground, she would certainly die. Then suddenly, her eyes opened up, she flipped herself over and landed on the ground. She winced as her ankle hit the ground looking like a catlike ninja, but at least she wasn't hurt other than that. Amu sighed, 'stupid side-effect.' She looked around, her eyes narrowed, scanning the area to see if anyone had seen her. She readjusted her headphones on her head and walked away. She walked out of the house and into the emerald green yard. She sat down on the grass, a hard look in her eyes, trying to ignore the voices in her head. Thinking, thinking about her life and all that happened. Then she got an idea, it seemed quite obvious to her. She ran inside.

When she got inside the room she closed it and locked it tight. Amu took a few deep breaths, trying to calm herself. She walked over to the piano over in the corner, took off her headphones and quickly began to play. The song was beautiful, but her head felt like it was splitting in half. She wanted to scream, but she kept playing, keeping the voices at bay. 'I've got to do this; I have to tame my own monster. I can't rely on my headphones to cage me in. I have to face it myself.' She kept playing, but as she kept playing, the song sounded more and more filled with pain, as if the pianist was forcing herself to do this. She kept playing, then an image came to her mind. Tears started to flow from her eyes, then her head not only felt like it was splitting, it felt like someone was ripping her head apart. With one gasp of pain, she quickly put her headphones back on. She sat there, sweat beading on her forehead, her eyes wide staring straight ahead, she was shaking. After a few minutes Amu calmed down, 'I guess I shouldn't have expected that I would be able to be fine after one try, I'll have to try again tonight.' With that thought, she got up and walked out of the room.

 _ **At Dinner**_

"So Amu, are you ready to take off your headphones?" Ikuto asked teasingly, not noticing how Amu's breath sucked in. "Ikuto, Amu is allowed to wear her headphones during dinner." The look on Ikuto's face was priceless. "B-but why? I can't but she can?" "Ikuto, she's our guest." Utau shrugged and showed Amu to the dining room. "Sorry about Ikuto, he can be such a pain." Amu just laughed, "It's ok, but I'm glad I don't have to take off my headphones." Amu breathed out in relief. Utau looked at her and giggled, "attached to them aren't you?" Amu blushed, "yeah, I guess I am." Finally Amu and Utau reached the dining room.

The girls were chatting away, Midori was eating, Mr. Aruto Tsukiyomi wasn't home, and Ikuto was sulking. "Hey, Amu want to play truth or dare with me after dinner?" Utau looked so excited that Amu couldn't say no. "Sure, why not." Amu answered, switching on her 'cool and spicy' attitude. On the inside she was both excited and nervous. Utau squealed with happiness and the girls quickly wolfed down their food and raced upstairs.

Amu came into Utau's room with her dark pink pajama pants and blue camisole with a black cat on it that read, "chat noir" in dark pink letters. Her hair was left hanging down. Utau was wearing black pajama pants with a red camisole that had maroon bat wings printed on it. Her blonde hair was still up in her usual pigtails. "Ready?" Amu asked, Utau smirked, "I should be asking you that, think you can take the heat?" The girls erupted into laughter. "Ok, you first Amu-" "What? You didn't invite me to the party?" Utau and Amu glared at the intruding boy, then Utau smiled, "why not?" Amu looked at Utau like _she_ was the crazy one. "Oh come on Amu. It'll be fun with more people." Amu sighed, "fine, you can join Ikuto." 'I hope this isn't the worst decision of my life.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Chapter 5**_

Utau and Ikuto let Amu go first, then it would be Utau's, then Ikuto's. "Ok, umm, Utau, truth or dare?" Utau thought for a few seconds, then she smiled, "truth." Amu thought for a few seconds, "who is your current crush?" Utau reddened, and quietly she whispered only loud enough for Amu and Ikuto to barely hear, "K-Kukai." Amu smiled and squealed, "Oh Utau that's so cute! You guys would be perfect together!" Utau looked away, clearly slightly embarrassed.

But she looked at Amu with a slightly devilish look in her eyes. "Well Amu…truth _or dare_?" Amu thought for a little. Then she smiled and an 'I'm ready for anything' look in her eyes, "dare." Utau smirked, she was hoping Amu would say that. "Ok Amu, I dare you to put your head on Ikuto's bare chest and lean against it for 5 minutes." Amu reddened. "B-but-" "Oh, no buts Amu, you're lucky I'm going easy on you."

Amu sighed and nodded. Ikuto shrugged and took off his black pajama shirt revealing quite a nice muscular torso and chest. Amu took big breaths then leaned her head against his bare chest. Only to have Ikuto grasp Amu closer to him. Her face looked like a strawberry now, complimenting her hair. Utau laughed at the look on Amu's face. Ikuto seemed fine with it, but Amu was embarrassed.

It was Ikuto's turn now, he smirked, "Amu, truth or dare?" amu thought a bit, still red-faced. "Umm, truth." "Why are you staying here?" "My parents are off on a business trip and they couldn't take me along. Ok my turn. Utau, truth or dare?"

"Dare." Amu smiled, "I dare you to...let's see… I dare you to go and put makeup on Ikuto." Utau smirked, then rushed out of the room. Utau came back into the room, smiling like a madwoman. She then walked over to Ikuto who was slightly freaked out. "Ok, Ikuto, time for your makeover." Ikuto looked nervous.

When it was all over Utau stepped back to look at her work. As soon as she saw Ikuto, she burst into laughter. Ikuto was wearing sparkly pink eyeshadow, he now had thick eyelashes, bright red lipstick, light pink blush, he looked…girly. Amu's time was up, and when she got off his chest and looked up to see the poor guy she burst into laughter. "Ikuto! You could totally pass up for a girl!" Ikuto glared at Utau and Amu, his look said, 'I will get revenge, just wait.'

"Ok, Ikuto, truth or dare?" Utau asked. Ikuto thought about it for a minute, "dare." Utau smirked, "Ok Ikuto, I dare you to get up and dance." Ikuto scowled, Utau knew how Ikuto hated to dance. Ikuto sighed, "Fine." He got up, Utau turned on the music… How to be a Heartbreaker. Ikuto looked at Utau in horror. With one last sigh he started to dance.

Amu was surprised, he was an amazing dancer. He knew just how to move to the beat and everything. He enchanted her, she could feel a blush coming on. Until she realized she could never have him, the blush immediately faded. That didn't stop her from admiring him though. He was graceful and elegant but in a manly way. All too soon the song ended and Ikuto sat down, putting his shirt on as well. Then he turned and smirked at Amu, "You know, you're cute when you blush. My little strawberry." Amu's blush flooded her face. Ikuto chuckled. "OK Amu, truth or dare?" Amu thought a bit, she had to be careful about this one, either way she was trapped. Amu sighed, "dare." Ikuto smiled.

"I dare you to take off your headphones." Amu's eyes widened. She looked away, "ok, but, on one condition." Ikuto looked at her. "You have to play your violin for as long I keep them off." Ikuto smirked, "sorry, but that's not how it works. If there was any conditions I would have done one for your dare and Utau's dare towards me." Amu's eyes hardened a touch, but she sighed, defeated. "Fine, but just this once." Amu took in a few deep breaths, and lifted her headphones off.

She started to shake a bit, but controlled herself as much as she could. After about a half minute, she put the headphones back on. The sound of Secrets by One Republic soothed her down. Ikuto looked at her and smirked, "see? You survived." Amu glared at Ikuto. Then Utau stood up, "hey guys, I think we should go to bed, we've got school tomorrow." Amu nodded and stood up as well. She saw Ikuto give Utau a brotherly kiss goodnight. She sadly smiled, remembering her own family. She walked out, more determined than ever.

Amu looked both ways before she entered the hallway. It was dead silent and dark. Amu quietly slipped downstairs and into the sound proof room. As soon as she sat down at the piano she took off her headphones. The whispers started but were drowned out when she started to play her piano. The music was beautiful, but almost sorrowful, full of regrets of what she had and had not done. Then the music began to become more strained. Amu kept playing, her eyes were now shut tight. She kept going like that, for hours, ignoring the pain as much as she could.

When morning came around she was still playing. When she realized what time it was, she put her headphones on but kept playing. The music she was listening to inspired her to play a sort of harmony for the song. Her fingers flew away on the keys, her soul pouring into her music. She was playing along to the music called Crystallize by Lindsey Stirling. She wished she could play the violin and play a harmony with that, but she didn't know how to, so she just settled with the piano. That's when she heard someone get up upstairs. Amu stopped playing piano and rushed upstairs into the living room.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Chapter 6**_

When Amu came upstairs she saw Ikuto. 'That's odd, he's usually never up so early.' Ikuto turned and looked at her, a confused look on his face. He started to walk towards her, his face now serious. Amu stood frozen to the spot, not sure if she should run. Ikuto gently grabbed her shoulders and looked into her eyes, "Amu, you alright? You look a little pale." Amu smiled it off, "oh I'm fine, it's probably just the light."

 _ **Twenty Minutes Later**_

Outside, the sunlight didn't make it better, in fact, it made her look paler. Her eyes were duller than they were before and she seemed frailer. Only Ikuto and Utau noticed though. Everyone else still saw her façade that she put up, "cool and spicy!" they would all scream as she walked by. Amu felt tired, yesterday had really worn her out with all the times she took off her headphones. 'Ok, after I get my homework done I'll practice just before dinner, then when everyone else is asleep I'll practice again.' Ikuto looked at her, then bent down, his hand on her head, "just the light huh?" Amu blushed, "I- well- it doesn't matter ok?!" Amu was flustered now, she just wanted him to drop the subject. "I think it does matter," Ikuto countered. "Why do you care!? It's not anyone has cared before! Why can't you be the same?!" Amu was part angry part flustered now, she hadn't meant to let that out. She really didn't want him to know about that. Utau looked at her friend, "Ikuto just let it go for now, she obviously doesn't want to talk about it." Ikuto just shrugged and didn't say anything for the rest of the walk to school. Amu gave Utau with a look of gratitude. Utau smiled in response.

 _ **Lunch**_

Everyone met up together in the yard. "Hey Amu, are you ok? You look a little pale." Tadase gave her a worried look. "Oh yeah, don't worry I'm fine Tadase." Amu looked away, everyone had asked her that, she felt bad for lying to them, 'but what can I say? I was trying to control my insanity?' "Hey Amu?" Amu looked up, Kukai was standing next to her. "Can I talk to you for a bit after school?" Amu gave him a confused look. "Sure." Kukai smiled, "great, I have something important to ask you." Ikuto looked at Kukai, his eyebrows knit together slightly. 'What does he have to ask me?' Amu thought.

 _ **After school**_

Amu rushed over to where Kukai wanted to meet her. Kukai was standing there, leaning against a wall. "Kukai you had something you wanted to tell me?" Kukai got off the wall and walked over to her. "Yeah, I did. Amu, do you have a mental problem?" Amu stood there shocked, her eyes wide and filled with fear. "B-but h-how d-did you know?" Kukai smiled gently. My brother is your doctor. I was bored and started to look in his stuff." Amu hung her head, her bangs covered her eyes, but you could see tears sliding down her cheeks. "Yeah." Kukai looked at her, and smiled. "I guess that explains why you made a big fuss over Ikuto touching your headphones." Amu nodded, she still wouldn't look at Kukai. She was scared of what he might think, 'will he tell the others? Does he hate me and think me disgusting now?' And as if he had read her mind, "don't worry Amu, I won't tell anybody else." 'Did he just say what I thought he said. He must've.' "Thanks Kukai." Kukai smiled in return. "Ok, let's go before anybody starts thinking about what we might be doing." Amu smiled.

As soon as they exited the school grounds, they saw Utau and Ikuto waiting outside the gate. Ikuto looked at the two smiling and asked, "you guys dating now or what?" "Nah, I just wanted to ask her something." Amu was so mad at Ikuto for asking that that she dragged poor Utau away far ahead of the boys. Ikuto looked at Kukai now, "what did you ask her?" Kukai smiled, "that's not in my power to tell you. If she wants it to be known she'll tell you herself." Ikuto wasn't satisfied with that answer but decided to drop it, he clearly wasn't going to get anything out of it. Kukai smiled, 'this is the first time that Ikuto has really been interested in a girl before. If it happens, it might just be good for both of them.' "Ok Ikuto, I should get going. My brother's making ramen tonight for dinner!" Smiling Kukai ran to his house, "ramen! Ramen! Ramen!" Ikuto chuckled after ramen-obsessed boy.

When Ikuto entered his house he noticed Utau laying on the couch all alone. "Hey Utau, where's Amu?" Utau sighed, obviously bored, "Amu went upstairs to start her homework. Come on Ikuto, do you have anything that I could do?" Ikuto thought for a bit, "homework?" "No, done, finished at school." "How about you play some of my video games?" Utau smiled, that was clearly what she had wanted to hear in the first place. "Thanks big bro!" and with that, she was gone. Ikuto smiled, then thought he would check on Amu. When he looked in her room, she wasn't there.

Ikuto was confused, 'where can she be?' He decided to search the whole house for her. "Ok, last room." When he tried to turn the knob to the sound proof room, he saw that it was locked. "Hey Amu? You in there?" After a few seconds, the door opened slightly, Ikuto pushed it open. As soon as he saw Amu, he was worried. "Amu, are you alright?" Amu smiled, thankfully she was great at faking her smile, "yeah, I'm great, so what brings you here?" Ikuto smirked, "well this _is_ my home strawberry," Ikuto leaned in and whispered in her ear, "just like you will be." Amu's face turned a slight pink. "I-I won't be yours. Anyways, if you're done here I have some stuff to do." Ikuto smiled, "want me to join you?" "NO!" Amu noticed her voice was a bit harsh and she sighed, "thank you Ikuto, but I think I'll be fine alone." Ikuto was still slightly hurt by Amu's outburst. Before he could say anything, Amu closed and locked the door.

Amu sighed, she didn't want to be that harsh but what could she do? She didn't want Ikuto to find out about her problem. Amu looked at a mark on her wrist that she usually covered up with some makeup and a wide bracelet. She remembered that incident, "I definitely can't let him know that I'm a monster." Amu turned around and sat at the piano, took off her headphones and started play. Trying her best to ignore the pain that was flooding her head.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Chapter 7**_

Amu looked at the clock in the room and put her headphones back on, letting relief wash over all the pain she felt. She walked outside of the room and almost ran into Ikuto. "I was wondering if soon I would have to break down that door." Ikuto chuckled. Amu rolled her eyes and kept on walking, until she felt someone's arms around her neck, and someone's head in her hair. "Ikuto, get off." She told him simply. "But I don't want to," he whined. Amu's eyebrow twitched, then she flipped the guy over and walked away with her nose in the air.

When she entered the dining room the family was about to eat. Utau and Souko saw Amu, her face immediately changed to concern. "Amu? Are you sure your ok? You look even paler than you were yesterday." Amu smiled it off, "oh don't worry, I feel perfectly fine. Don't worry about me, it's probably just because I'm hungry." Utau thought about it, "yeah, I didn't see you eat lunch today, that's probably why." Thankfully Utau was convinced, so it didn't take long for Amu to convince Souko that she was fine…and hungry. That wasn't a lie, she did miss out on lunch and she was super hungry. Then a plate of ravioli appeared right in front of Amu, she looked at it, and in seconds, the ravioli was gone. Both Utau and Souko sweatdropped, 'she wasn't joking was she?' Souko thought. Souko gave Amu another heaping plate full, it was gone in another few seconds. 'What does this girl do to herself?' Utau was starting to wonder about Amu more, 'I know how I'm going to get her to tell.'

 **Sorry, that was so short it was extremely pathetic. Oh well, it was a good place for me to stop.**

 **Please review I appreciate people's feedback on how to improve my stories.**


	8. Chapter 8

_**Chapter 8**_

Amu started to slow down from her food by about the fourth bowl. Amu was full by the sixth. Everyone was staring at her, they had never seen a girl eat so much, not even Utau when she was on a ramen craze. Utau was looking at the girl, 'what is she hiding?' Ikuto was wondering the same thing, sometimes it seemed like his mother knew Amu's secret, you couldn't hide anything from Mrs. Tsukiyomi. Nothing. Ikuto sighed, then, to get rid of the silence, "hey mom, when is father coming home?' Souko looked up and thought, "I believe that he's supposed to be home tomorrow. His business trip is taking longer than he thought it would." Ikuto nodded, he couldn't wait to show his father the new song he made on his violin.

Ikuto was quite a young music prodigy. His music rivalled many professionals. He wrote his own music, full of a range of different emotions and sounds. His father had given him his violin, and Ikuto wouldn't trade it for another in the world. That violin was practically Ikuto's child. No one was allowed to touch his violin, NOBODY, well, maybe except his father. Other than that though, NO ONE.

After Amu had finished her last bowl and was quite full, she excused herself. She had no time to waste. She had to keep practicing. Amu thought for a bit, there had to be a way to get rid of the splitting head. Amu thought about it for a bit, but she couldn't think of a solution so she just decided to deal with the pain. She knew it didn't sound great, actually, it probably sounded horrible. She wasn't focusing on the beauty of the music though; she was just trying to be able to stop using headphones for the rest of her life. Although, her life would probably be pretty short. 'I wonder what Ikuto sounds like when he plays the violin, it's probably wonderful.' She had to stop thinking about Ikuto because of the skull-splitting pain. It seriously felt like an axe was slowly going through her skull, unfortunately for her though, if it were a real axe she would be dead. It wasn't real though, so she didn't feel the relief death would bring, but the pain that seemed endless. 'Breathe Amu, this is for the best. It might help to keep my future longer.'

Amu took deep breaths, then an idea struck her. Instead of trying to play happier songs, why not just embrace the sadness and channel it out through her music. It seemed to make a lot more sense. Amu's hands flew across the keys, putting her feelings into notes: the guilt, the sadness, pain, loneliness. All of it, none of her emotions were left out. She poured her heart out into the music, feeling waves of emotion pouring out of her. It was about one of the saddest pieces of music you could ever hear.

Amu's headache seemed to lesson by a tiny miniscule bit. Slowly, lyrics came along with it. They just flowed naturally from her mouth as though it had been prewritten. Her voice was beautiful. Amu remembered the hopes she once had when she was a child. Those dreams couldn't come true now, she had given them up a while ago, but that doesn't mean that they totally exited her heart. She was broken, but not destroyed. Amu sighed, 'I can't fix myself though, and others won't either.' This sorrowful thought brought even more emotion into her piece. A few tears slid down her cheek. Amu's mask had disappeared, no more 'cool and spicy,' this was Amu, stripped of her façade, only true emotions flashed across her face.

Suddenly, her head slammed against the keys. Her face was contorted in pain. Her headache had suddenly grew to from a windstorm to a full-out raging tornado. Whispers spoke their dark words, like a gently breeze with a biting freeze. Amu quickly put on her headphones, relief washing throughout her head like ocean waves lapping the beach. Amu relaxed, letting herself be lulled by the melody that was playing. For a second, all of her troubles dissipated.

Her eyes suddenly snapped open, if she wasn't going to practice she would be better off just going to bed. Amu sighed, she didn't really have the mental strength to keep going tonight. She looked up at the clock, apparently she had been playing for at least three hours. Amu sighed, 'I wish I could have played more, but if I did, it probably would be suspicious to the others. They would be wondering why I was so pale. I didn't think I looked that bad. Whoops.'

As soon as Amu stepped out, she came face-to-face with Ikuto. "Ah, Ikuto! Don't do that!" Ikuto looked at her, "what do you do to yourself in there Amu? Torture yourself?" He chuckled. Amu forced herself to laugh, "I didn't think I looked that mutilated Ikuto." They both started laughing, Amu fakely of course, but Ikuto didn't notice that much. Then he became serious, "but seriously Amu, why are you so pale? And why did you stay up so late?" Amu looked at her watch, it read 11:00. "I usually stay up this late, usually later. So really, for me it isn't this late." Ikuto looked at her, "you should be getting more sleep than that. That's probably why you look so pale recently." Amu rolled her eyes, "whatever Ikuto, since when did you become my mother?" "Sorry for just trying to be nice, well if you won't go to bed on your own, then maybe I'll have to go to some desperate measures." Amu eyed him nervously, knowing him, she wouldn't like what he offers.

"So Amu, either you go to bed and sleep now, or I'll have to carry you to bed and sleep with you." Amu's face grew a bright strawberry lollipop red and she rushed up the stairs and into her bed. No way was she going to take that chance. No way, no how. Just the thought of it. How could Ikuto even think… oh wait, he's sick and perverted, that's how.

Behind her, Ikuto chuckled, "too bad," he called after her. Then to himself, 'that definitely worked. Man, I can't believe she thought I would do that. That hurts. Oh, well, as long as she goes to sleep."

Amu not knowing that he was only doing that to get her to actually go to sleep, was laying there, with her eyes open, in case Ikuto decided to sneak in.

Amu got to thinking. It was odd, she still felt alone, but it was as if all of the new people she met filled a tiny part of the hole in her heart. Mrs. Tsukiyomi, Utau and her friends, Ikuto. They all showed Amu a feeling towards her that she thought had vanished from her life. While it helped Amu feel better, it also saddened her. 'I can't let them become too much a part of my life. It's not right for me to. It's actually selfish.' Amu sighed, no matter what she told herself, she still couldn't help the feeling of wanting more. More friends, more happiness, more love in her life. She knew that it was dangerous for others. It wouldn't be fair to them for her receive happiness and them have it ripped away. 'But, I want this-' Amu cut that thought short, 'selfish! Amu why do you have to be so selfish?! You have no right to have it, it will only cause others pain.' So Amu resolved herself, 'ok, tomorrow, I will act like the biggest jerk. You will be so mean that no one will want to even near you.' With that resolution in mind, she fell asleep.

If only that resolution followed her to when she met her friends. They looked so nice and sweet, that she just couldn't be mean to them. She wanted to, 'darn you Amu! You're so weak and selfish, you need to do it!' But she realized that however many times she told herself that, her actions never followed suit. While she was a little colder than the day before and she put up her 'cool and spicy' attitude up, that was the most she could do.

Amu sighed, she still couldn't do it. She couldn't be mean, no matter how hard she tried. That's when Amu got an idea, if she turned the volume way up on her music, then she couldn't hear the others. If she couldn't hear them, she obviously couldn't answer them. If she didn't answer them, they would think that she was ignoring them. Then they would like her less. Then they wouldn't be her friends. Making everything better. It was genius! 'Why didn't I think about that before? You go Amu!'

She turned the volume way up on her music immediately after class was over and turned it down just when the teacher came into the classroom. Did it hurt her heart? Yeah, 'but it's for the best.' That's how the whole day went by. She didn't see the odd stare she got from Kukai, she wasn't notified to the confused looks from Utau's other friends, and thankfully didn't even notice the hurt looks from Utau and Ikuto. If she had, her hurt heart would probably break.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Chapter 9**_

Utau was sitting on the lawn, a few tears flowed down her cheek. She noticed how Amu was acting so cold. That was when she felt a hand on her shoulder, Utau looked up and saw Kukai. She smiled sadly at the brown-eyed boy. "Hey Utau, come on, tell me why you're crying." Utau sighed and leaned her head on his shoulder. "It's Amu, all of a sudden she's been acting cold," she looked up at Kukai, "is it something I did? D-did I do something that hurt Amu that makes her hate me?" Kukai looked into the desperate girl's eyes. His own eyes softened. "No Utau, not you nor anyone else did something to hurt Amu. She-" Kukai didn't want to go to far, "she just needs to sort some things out with herself first. She figures that it would not be fair to you to suffer because of her." Utau's eyes widened, but she quickly looked away, "why does she have to do it on her own? We could all help her out." Kukai shook his head, "that's just not how people think. They can't accept people's help, both for their own pride, but they also feel like they shouldn't pull others into their problems." "People can sure be stupid." Utau huffed, ending that conversation.

Amu was driving herself crazy over her math homework when she heard a knock at her door. Amu looked up to see Souko Tsukiyomi standing at her door. Amu looked up and smiled. "Amu, your doctor wants you to go to his house." Amu's smile dropped. Her eyes dropped to the ground. Don't get it wrong, she liked the doctor he was nice and kind, she just didn't like what he had to make her do. Amu sighed, "ok, thanks for the message." Souko noticed how Amu still rarely spoke Souko's name. "Bye Amu, have fun." Amu smiled, but it was fake. Amu knew that it wouldn't be 'fun.'

Amu reached the house, it was pretty nice. Her doctor was one of the best doctors in the nation. On the inside though, it was a mess. Not rundown, but you could tell that it had five boys/men living in it. Amu rang the doorbell, Kukai's head appeared. "Oh, hey Amu, just a second, I'll get him. HEY BIG BRO! AMU'S HERE!" He looked at Amu and smiled as if that was normal, Amu sweatdropped.

Dr. Souma soon approached the door, "hello Amu, come on in." Amu cautiously stepped in, and walked to Dr. Souma's sound proof office. When Amu turned around and sat down she noticed Kukai, she stared at him. She kept staring until he got the idea, he looked at her and nodded, understanding, and walked out.

Amu looked at her doctor, he smiled, reassuring her that he wouldn't let things go too far. Amu took in a deep breath. She slowly lifted her headphones off her head. The whispers started to blow throughout her head, they slowly crescendoed to plucks of a hateful harp, into the beatings of a drum. 'All your fault! Guilty! You should have died that day! Why didn't you _Amu_? You deserved to die more than them. Yet you're so pathetic that you ran, ran away from your fears, like the pathetic wimp you are. DIE! Piece of crap! Garbage! Look at how the doctor is staring at you, as if you disgust him just by breathing the same air as him.' Amu was freaking out now, her breathing was getting heavier, she was grasping at her head, "NO! Stop! Please stop! It's not my fault!" 'Is it Amu? Don't you dare deny the truth, you know just as much as I do that I do that I will never stop until justice is done to you.' Images of that night began to appear in Amu's mind. Amu was shaking her head back and forth, her hands still to her head, like she was trying to shake the voice and the images out of it. Dr. Souma knew that it was time to put the headphones back on.

As soon as the headphones were on, the images and the voice cleared themselves out of her head. Amu sighed, the pain was still there, but weakened. The doctor looked at Amu with pity, she looked away, not wanting to see that type of face. Amu got up off the floor and walked to the door. "Hey Amu," she looked back at the doctor. "what did you feel when the headphones came off?" "Hate, rage, guilt, fear." She said simply. "What did you feel the most?" Amu thought about it, "the voices were filled with so much hate and rage that it scared me." She then opened the door and walked out. Dr. Souma looked at Amu with a sad look on his face, but also worried, "that's not good."

As Amu was walking home, she felt a weird feeling. The feeling to rip apart everything in sight. To want to rip, tear, bash, smash, destroy. Amu sighed, it was weird, but unquenchable. As soon as she reached home, she walked into the workout room and tried using the punching bag, but it wasn't her style. So instead, she turned up the volume on her music and started dancing to it, making violent motions that matched the music and her emotions.

The secret side of me, I never let you see

I keep it caged but I can't control it

So stay away from me, the beast is ugly

I feel the rage and I just can't hold it

It's scratching on the walls, in the closet, in the halls

It comes awake and I can't control it

Hiding under the bed, in my body, in my head

Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?

I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin

I must confess that I feel like a monster

I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun

I must confess that I feel like a monster

I, I feel like a monster

I, I feel like a monster

My secret side I keep hid under lock and key

I keep it caged but I can't control it

Cause if I let him out he'll tear me up, break me down

Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?

I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin

I must confess that I feel like a monster

I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun

I must confess that I feel like a monster

I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin

I must confess that I feel like a monster

I, I feel like a monster

I, I feel like a monster

It's hiding in the dark, it's teeth are razor sharp

There's no escape for me, it wants my soul, it wants my heart

No one can hear me scream, maybe it's just a dream

Maybe it's inside of me, stop this monster

I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin

I must confess that I feel like a monster

I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun

I must confess that I feel like a monster

I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin

I must confess that I feel like a monster

I've gotta lose control, he something radical

I must confess that I feel like a monster

I, I feel like a monster

I, I feel like a monster

I, I feel like a monster

I, I feel like a monster

Her motions had been dark, rage-filled, and slightly scary. She knew that, heck, she was scared of herself. 'Why am I feeling these things? That's when she felt like someone was watching her, she looked up to see Ikuto, just staring at her. Amu's eyes widened, she hadn't meant for anyone to see her. She backed up and away from Ikuto. His eyes were sad, as if he had seen into her heart and had seen the hate and rage. He looked disappointed. "Amu," she turned her golden eyes away, his beautiful dark sapphire eyes hadn't been tainted with the sight of blood yet. He shouldn't have to look into her eyes. "Why do you feel that way?" Amu backed up to the wall, she just wanted to hide away. 'No, don't let him get involved. It's not good. Just ignore him, pretend like you hate him. Just do…something.'

Ikuto stepped closer to her, "please Amu, tell me why?" Amu tried to smile it away, "what do you mean Ikuto? It was just a dance; I don't really feel that way." Ikuto looked at her, 'maybe I fooled him.' Amu thought hopefully, "liar." 'Or not.' "I'm not a liar, I just-" "Amu, don't lie to me. I could tell that you were dancing with your whole heart, that song is a part of you, that dance is a part of you, just like all of the emotions that poured out of you."

Amu looked away again, "Ikuto, I'm sorry." A few tears glistened on her cheeks. "I wish I could tell you, but I can't tell you. It'll be better for you, actually, it'll be better for Utau and her friends as well, if you just-" Amu's voice started to crack, but she knew she had to do this, when she spoke again, her voice was cold, "if you just stayed as far out of my life as you can." Ikuto was taken aback. He was shocked, but then his voice was filled with anger, "fine. If that's what you want, I was only trying to be nice, but if you don't want that, then I'd be more than happy to give you that." Amu walked past him, keeping back her tears as she walked to her bedroom, ignoring her growling stomach and the heart in her that felt like it would break.

A new song formed in her mind as she lay on her bed, she got up and ran to the soundproof room. She had been trying to sleep for a while, but she realized that it was impossible. The hate and rage she felt earlier was now replaced with sadness. 'It's for the best,' she tried to convince herself.

I couldn't tell you  
Why she felt that way  
She felt it everyday  
And I couldn't help her  
I just watched her make  
The same mistakes again

What's wrong, what's wrong now  
Too many, too many problems  
Don't know where she belongs  
Where she belongs.

[Chorus]  
She wants to go home  
But nobody's home  
That's where she lies  
Broken inside  
With no place to go  
No place to go  
To dry her eyes  
Broken inside

Open your eyes  
And look outside  
Find the reason why  
You've been rejected  
And now you can't find  
What you left behind

Be strong, be strong now  
Too many, too many problems  
Don't know where she belongs  
Where she belongs.

[Chorus]  
She wants to go home  
But nobody's home  
That's where she lies  
Broken inside  
With no place to go  
No place to go  
To dry her eyes  
Broken inside

Her feelings she hides  
Her dreams she can't find  
She's losing her mind  
She's falling behind

She can't find her place  
She's losing her faith  
She's falling from grace  
She's all over the place yeah

[Chorus]  
She wants to go home  
But nobody's home  
That's where she lies  
Broken inside  
With no place to go  
No place to go to  
Dry her eyes  
Broken inside

She's lost inside lost inside  
She's lost inside lost inside

 **The first song is Monster by Skillet**

 **The second song is Nobody's Home by Avril Lavigne**


	10. Chapter 10

_**Chapter 10**_

Ignoring the pains in her stomach, she walked out of the house to go to school. Ikuto had ignored her the whole morning, and Utau had given her sad dejected looks. Amu couldn't take it anymore. Her heart felt like it was being strangled. It didn't help that at school, a girl came up to her in the middle of the parking lot.

"Hey, I heard you were messing with my boyfriend." Amu ignored the girl and walked past. Whispers came up, "I can't believe she just ignored _the_ Saaya Yamabuki." Then she heard Saaya say, "what a piece of trash." Amu snapped, she turned around and said, "what did you say you little plastic doll?" Saaya smirked, "I said, ' _what_ a _piece_ of _garbage_.'" Amu rushed at Saaya and punched her in the face, Saaya raked her claws down Amu's arm. Amu grabbed Saaya by her hair and slammed her into the wall, Saaya flipped Amu over. Amu felt something take over, her brain wasn't working properly. She jumped up, and punched at Saaya, she just barely escaped Amu's fist. When Amu's fist hit the wall, it left a big crack. Saaya kicked Amu in the ribs, causing Amu to cough up blood. Amu flew at Saaya in a rage, throwing punches left and right, everyone was running away. A voice was speaking in Amu's head, ' _good job Amu, keep going'_ Amu wanted to scream, but she couldn't, then she heard someone's voice. She couldn't place where she had heard it before. But as soon as she heard it, the rage died down. Amu stopped punching, she quieted down. Saaya was looking at her, rage in her eyes. Amu walked away. "Hey, we weren't finished!" Saaya yelled after the girl. Amu didn't even look back but simply said, "you're not worth my time."

After Amu was gone, Ikuto and Utau came around the corner. They saw Saaya and looked at her, then the blood on the ground, then saw that her hair was disheveled. She didn't see them. They were about to help the girl, until they heard her mutter, "next time Amu, you will _not_ walk away. I will make you regret saying that I was not worth your time." Ikuto's face immediately became uninterested, but deep down his heart was worried. Utau was fully worried, 'what is happening to Amu?'

Amu was walking down the halls, sure her ribs hurt, they were actually probably broken a bit, she ignored it. 'They' had had it worse. Every person that came up to Amu she would glare at. They would immediately scamper away like rats. So now Amu was tired, pale, hungry, and injured. 'Great, what an amazing day this is.' Amu walked to the bathroom and washed the blood off. She rolled down the sleeves of her jacket to cover the scratch marks, she put on leg warmers to hide the scratches and road burns on her legs. The blood washed away from her mouth. When she was done, she looked even more 'cool and spicy' all she needed now were cool ear piercings, 'yeah, I don't think so.' Amu looked at herself in the mirror, 'did I really just do that? The old me would never have even thought about fighting someone. I guess it really did change me. I wonder if I could pass for a 'pretty little psycho'?'

When she walked out of the bathroom, everyone in the hall parted for her. She ignored them all and just kept walking, a bored look on her face. As she was walking, she heard whimpering in a dark corner. She looked and saw a poor kid, getting bullied on by two larger kids. She decided to help the poor guy. "Hey, move." The two boys looked up, recognizing the girl, "hey isn't that Amu Hinamori?" "Yeah, we don't want to mess with her. I heard she can take on all the guys on the soccer team like it was nothing." Amu fought the urge to roll her eyes, 'where did that rumor come from?' "Ok, let's go." With that the two bullies ran with their tails between their legs. The little boy was looking at Amu with stars in his eyes, "thank you so much." Amu just walked past him, but on the inside she smiled. 'Maybe I can- no I can't, don't joke with yourself Amu. Just be happy that you actually were able to do something nice. But don't forget your place.'

Amu walked to her class, but was late because of taking the long trip to help that kid. Everyone looked up and simultaneously exclaimed, "cool and spicy." Amu sighed inwardly, but sat down in the back corner of the classroom. She practically ignored the teacher for the rest of class.

When class was over, Utau snuck up on Amu. "Amu, I want to talk to you." Amu sighed, she knew that it wasn't a good idea, but she didn't really have an option this way. "yeah? What?" Utau spun Amu around and looked her straight in her eyes, "Amu, you know, if something's going on, you _can_ tell us." Amu pushed Utau off, but then when she did that, Utau accidently pushed against Amu's broken ribcage. Amu coughed up a little blood but tried to quickly hide it. Utau's eyes widened. She had felt the break and seen the blood. "Oh my gosh Amu! Your ribcage! It's-" Amu instantly grabbed Utua's wrist silencing the worried girl, "Utau, you are not to say a word about this." Amu's eyes were so intense and serious. She nodded her head, her eyes still wide. Amu instantly let go of Utau's wrist and walked away.

That's when she saw it, images, of bloody people. 'I was wondering when those would show up.' But Amu quickly pushed the images out of her head. 'Not the time to be reminiscing.' Her ribs hurt even more since Utau had pushed her hand against them. 'It is my fault though; I shouldn't have let Saaya get to me.' Amu ran her fingers through her hair, 'what a mess I've gotten myself into.' Amu looked at her lunch, and deciding she wasn't hungry, gave it to a girl who looked like she had just lost her lunch to some bullies, "here, I'm not hungry.' The girl looked at Amu as if Amu was her idol. 'I hope she doesn't think like that, I am definitely not a role model.' She had tried to do it as discreetly as she could but she didn't notice that someone was watching her.


	11. Chapter 11

_**Chapter 11**_

When Amu came home from school, she was slightly dizzy, she had gym class, which drained her of energy she didn't have. As she tried to do her homework, her eyesight was starting to get blurry, 'well I guess that's what I get for forgetting one breakfast, two lunches, and a dinner.' Amu was trying to look at the paper but it wouldn't come into focus, she felt really hot and weak too. As if that wasn't enough, her lungs were screaming at her. Then a knock came to her door, "Amu, my mom says that it's dinner time." Ikuto clearly was not happy to be even near Amu at the moment.

Amu sighed, she was almost out the door, when everything around her seemed to be spinning and falling at the same time. "Amu!" she heard someone yell. Suddenly the falling seemed to stop, but the spinning kept going. A cool hand touched her forehead, it felt so nice against her steaming skin, "Amu, you have a fever!" It didn't register in her mind though as she slowly closed her eyes, letting darkness sweep over her.

 **Sorry that was so short, oh well, I'm sure you'll survive, somehow.**


	12. Chapter 12

_**Chapter 12**_

Ikuto had thankfully caught Amu as she fell. He put his hand to her forehead, "Amu your burning up!" She didn't answer him, she had a fever, and her breathing was shallow. He lay her down on the bed and called, "Utau, go get mom!" He could hear footsteps running through the house after about a minute or two Utau and Souko showed up. They rushed over to the girl and then went to get things for the poor girl, leaving Ikuto alone with Amu.

He placed his hand on the girl's forehead, and took it off, until he heard a small growl from the girl, letting him know that she did not like that he took his hand off. He chuckled and put his hand on the girl again, making her smile. Ikuto smiled in response, "did you know you were sick Amu? Why did you let it get this far?" The girl, obviously, didn't respond. 'Great I'm talking to a sleeping girl and watching her, now I feel like a ten-times more attractive Edward Cullens.' Ikuto was relieved when Utau came into the room. She quirked an eyebrow at seeing his hand on her forehead but just shrugged. He removed his hand so she could put a wet clothe on it instead.

After a bit, Amu woke up. "Ugg, what happened?" "You fainted and have a fever," Ikuto responded, then he smirked. "In my arms." Amu's face flushed but forced it down. "Oh yeah, I didn't get any dinner, do you think I could have some?" Utau nodded and Ikuto went to get some.

When Ikuto came back with the food, Amu and Utau were, well ok, Amu was glaring at Utau. Ikuto had no idea what had happened, but the girls did. Utau had tried to convince Amu to tell the others about her ribs. That led to a slightly heated conversation until Amu heard Ikuto coming up the stairs and cut off the conversation.

Ikuto just sat down on Amu's bed and was about to hand-feed her when Amu took it and ate the soup herself. "I don't need you to feed me, I'm not that pathetically weak yet." She told him roughly. Ikuto just shrugged and let Amu have her way. When Amu had finished, "Ikuto, do you think you can let me talk to Utau in private?" Ikuto was slightly taken aback by this but nodded and walked out of the room.

As soon as Ikuto had closed the door and left Amu and Utau alone, "Utau, I'm sorry, but I really wish you would keep by ribs a secret." "Amu, it's not good for you to have cracked ribs, it could really cause serious damage." Amu laughed it off, "that's a little dramatic Utau." Then she suddenly grew serious, "but really Utau, you won't tell anyone about my condition. I don't need others pity, sympathy, or help." Amu's dark side was beginning to take over. Her gold eyes grew as cold and hard and stone. "Those feelings are pathetic and fake. I don't want you to tell others about this. And if I die, so what? No one will miss me." Then realizing what Amu just said, her eyes softened and saddened, "but really Utau, i-it would just be better for me to die, and you to stay away from me." Utau could feel tears prick at her eyes, "why Amu? Is it something I did? Why do you keep pushing yourself away from me?" Amu looked at Utau regret and sadness in her eyes, "no. But-" Amu was cut off when she started to wheeze and cough. She felt like her lungs were being squeezed and she was losing air. No matter how hard she breathed in, she couldn't get enough air. Her eyesight was getting blurry and black, "Amu! Amu!" she felt someone shaking her, she couldn't breathe she felt like a sword was going in her lungs, and everything went completely black.


	13. Chapter 13

_**Chapter 13**_

"Ikuto! Ikuto get in here! Quickly! Mom! Mom! It's Amu!" Ikuto barged into the room to see Amu blacked out, her breathing heavy like she was trying to force air into her lungs but something was wrong. Utau was already calling 911, she was freaking out a bit. The ambulance came quickly and they all rushed to the hospital.

Utau was crying as the doctors were doing their operation. "It's all my fault, I knew that Amu's ribs were broken, why didn't I say anything? Why didn't I ignore Amu's wishes and tell people anything?" Ikuto hugged his sister to calm her down. "Do you know how she broke her ribs?" Utau shook her head, she just knew that Amu's ribs were broken. "So Amu told you not to tell anybody?" Utau nodded, "but why? Why would she hide something so serious as that?" Ikuto was lost in thought for the next few hours until the door opened up from the operating room.

Ikuto stood up first, waking up his mother and Utau who rushed over to the doctor, but Ikuto remained where he was. "Will Amu be ok?" Utau immediately asked. "A few broken ribs were sticking in her lungs, others were squeezing them," Ikuto's eyes grew worried, "but she will be ok. There was damage, but not something that won't heal, but she'll need rest. You should consider yourselves lucky, if the ribs were poking any farther into the lungs, she could have been in serious trouble. Any longer of the ribs squeezing her lungs, and she could have died." Ikuto's eyes widened, Utau said it all for him though, "d-died?" The doctor nodded, "also, you guys obviously know of-" Souko knew where that was going to go and cut the doctor off, "we do thank you." The doctor looked at her and nodded understanding that she was probably trying to hide Amu's 'condition' from her children. Ikuto looked at his mother, trying to figure out why she cut the doctor off, that wasn't like her. "Anyways," the doctor continued, "Amu might have to stay in the hospital for a while but she should be out soon. If you could wait to visit her though, she is still rather weak." Utau was about to protest and say that she would not wait when Ikuto put a hand on her shoulder, "ok doctor we understand." "But Ikuto" Utau whined. "'but nothing', Amu will need her rest after something so stressful." Utau nodded her head, understanding, but still not happy about it. Ikuto wasn't happy either, but he put aside his needs for the moment for Amu. He couldn't help still looking at the door to where Amu was longingly.

 _ **One week later**_

Amu was fine now, well almost. She was finally allowed to go home but was told to take it easy. Amu ignored the others pleas as she got ready for school. Amu had just finished putting on her blazer when she looked at the clock and realized that she almost late! Amu hurriedly rushed out of the house taking a piece of toast as she rushed out the door. When she came to the gate her 'cool and spicy' attitude automatically switched on. She ignored all of her fans and just kept walking past. Did she feel slightly bad? No, because her attitude seemed to make her fans happier.

Her ribs were still sore but she was getting sick of just lying around in bed. She hadn't seen Saaya yet, but she was betting that soon she would come to get her revenge. Amu shrugged, she would deal with that when the time came. She started walking to class, her headphones playing, a great beat that helped give her some swag **(sorry, that is such an old term).**

Amu was still humming when she entered her class. Her good mood couldn't be dampened, not even by Saaya. And Saaya _was_ trying to dampen it. She wouldn't stop glaring at Amu. Amu ignored it, 'not worth my time.' Kukai was sitting next to her, so she decided to start up a conversation with him.

"So Kukai, what did I miss this week?" Kukai chuckled, "you missed a very funny event. You should have seen it Amu, Saaya said something totally mean about Amu for being gone, Utau got so mad that she threatened to kick Saaya off the IFC and murder her." At Amu's confused look, "the Ikuto Fan Club, Utau is the manager of it. She used to be the President but she gave it to someone else, now she's just the manager to keep the girls in line. But you should have seen it, Saaya's face went ghostly pale, now whether it was the part of being kicked off the IFC or hearing how Utau would murder her, I'm not sure." "How did she threaten to kill Saaya?" This part interested Amu. "She said that first she would break Saaya's ankles, then arms, carve lines with a knife below Saaya's mouth, break her jaw, hang Saaya up with barbed wire on her joints, then break her neck, cut open Saaya's guts take out the intestines to use as a scarf then sew her stomach back together-" Amu by now was on the ground laughing, "Finally Utau would gouge out her eyes." This was making Amu crack up, "so (ha ha ha) basically, Utau would make Saaya look like a human marionette?" Kukai scratched his head, "yeah, I suppose you could put it like that." Then he started cracking up, at Amu. "Gruesome aren't you?" Amu kept laughing, also ignoring the comment at the same time. She didn't stop laughing until the teacher came into the room. Saaya's eyes narrowed farther and she glared harder. 'I hate you Amu Hinamori."


	14. Chapter 14

_**Chapter 14**_

Amu and Utau was walking into the courtyard for lunch when Saaya came over. "Amu Hinamori, I am coming to get my revenge, fight me." Amu snorted and kept walking until she felt Saaya pull her arm. She instantly flipped Saaya over, but Saaya grabbed her leg and almost took Amu with her. Saaya quickly jumped up, and tried to punch Amu. Amu easily grabbed Saaya's fist, and started to push Saaya back. Saaya tried to kick Amu but missed. Amu was not impressed, "this is what you call revenge? That's pathetic, if you're going to waste my time at least make it interesting." Saaya's face went red with anger, her green eyes flashing dangerously like an angered wild animals. Amu smirked, maybe this would make it more interesting.

"I'm going to hurt you Amu! Saaya screamed. Amu didn't say anything, but was just watching Saaya's moves. Saaya faked one way and punched another, but Amu saw through it and easily sidestepped it. Amu started to yawn, 'I was wrong, this is a waste of time.' "Come on Amu! Hit me! Or are you scared?" Saaya taunted, Amu didn't respond but ignored Saaya instead. It worked in making Saaya even angrier than she was before. "I hate you Amu Hinamori! You think you're so cool just because you're friends with Ikuto? Well, I am the President of Ikuto's fan club and his boyfriend. Yeah that's right, I'm his boyfriend." "Shut up." Saaya smirked, "what, did that strike a nerve?" "Yeah" Saaya smiled even wider until, "your voice is so shrill and annoying! Do everyone's' ears a favor and shut up!" Saaya's smirk feel into a scowl, "HINAMORI!" she flew at Amu with punches and kicks flying everywhere. Amu dodged them all, and then grabbed her arm before Saaya could throw another punch.

"Saaya, I'll warn you once, go away, before I'm forced to hurt you." Saaya's eyes flitted somewhere and she started to whimper, her lower lip began to tremble, a tear started to form in her eyes. Then the weirdest thing ever, Amu was ripped off of Saaya, "you won't hurt Saaya at all." Amu whipped around to see a cold Ikuto. Amu just shrugged and walked off, but not before giving Ikuto a look that showed a hint of betrayal but covered up with coldness. Ikuto didn't notice Saaya smirking, but Amu did. When Ikuto turned back to Saaya, she had already put up the poor distressed damsel act. Utau looked disgusted at Saaya and ran to go find Amu.

After searching everywhere else, she finally found Amu in the workout room, punching all her anger out into a punching bag. It kind of made Utau feel bad for the poor bag. "Hey Amu, do you need someone to talk to?" Amu was silent for a moment, not trusting herself to say something terrible in her moment of rage. Finally after a few more enraged, killer (literally) punches, she looked at Utau. "Actually, do you mind turning on some music for me? I think that's what I need right now." Utau looked at Amu then nodded, willing to do anything for her friend. She turned on Shatter Me by Lindsey Stirling and Lzzy Hale.

Amu slipped off her headphones, and started to move to the music. Putting all her emotions into it. It really was the perfect song for her mood. Amu's body quirked, jerked, and glided along with the music. Her style looked like contemplative dance. Amu spun, leapt, making her look like a beautiful but sorrowful angel. It changed though, as Angel of Darkness came on.

Amu's dances immediately became darker, she started to do leaps and pirouettes, her movements were more graceful, but still filled with a dark hate. Utau could feel the results of the wound that Ikuto had inflicted on Amu. Amu wasn't scary, yet.

'It's not fair, what did I do? I was just defending myself from Saaya, she attacked me. Of course Saaya would lie though, that's what she does best. She's just that type of person, I can't believe Ikuto would let himself be fooled.' Her thoughts became darker, her hatred fueled when Monster by Skillet came on.

Her eyes glowed pure contempt, the dancing brought relief to her, she knew dangerous hate was coming on, so she channeled that hatred into her dancing. Amu's dancing started to scare Utau, so she decided to change the song to something else. Earning a quick glare from Amu, but it didn't last long. My Demons by Starset came on.

The hatred died down, this song reflected her mind. A sickness was taking over, and Ikuto wasn't helping. Amu's movements were calming down, then suddenly she stopped, she knew what song would be perfect for the emotion that was starting to form in herself. Utau was a little confused but let her change the music. Amu picked Miracle by Cascada.

She let her world be wrapped up in the music. She realized that she liked Ikuto, enough to be hurt when he chose Saaya. She wanted Ikuto to look at her, every time she looked at him he only showed looks of brotherliness. She wanted to be noticed by Ikuto. She wanted him to give her a chance to love him. She couldn't help it, she knew it was wrong. After all, she wouldn't be there for long. She couldn't help it though, her emotions and heart had taken over her head. The song showed the heartbreak that Amu was feeling. Ikuto had clearly chosen the liar, he hadn't even looked at the situation closely. He had automatically assumed that Amu was the attacker.

Utau listened to the song, then looked at Amu. She had thought these were Amu's feelings before, but now she was positive. Utau looked at Amu with pity, 'my brother is such a clueless jerk,' she thought sadly. Amu truly looked beautiful now. This dance wasn't showing the shallow surface feelings of some of the earlier songs, this was Amu, deep down, all layers and walls taken away. This was Amu. Her inner voice was finally breaking out of its shell, if only it wasn't coming out for so sad a reason. Utau pulled out her phone and began to secretly video tape Amu dancing. 'Maybe I'll show this to Ikuto later.' Utau loved both her brother and Amu, and she would do anything to help them out.

When the song ended, Amu knelt down, she had forgotten that Utau was there, so she started to silently cry. Utau turned off the recorder after videotaping a bit of Amu's crying and rushed to her friend. She rubbed Amu's back then pulled back her hair, to see a white scar in the shape of a slash. It looked like a wound made from a bullet grazing her skin. Utau decided to wait to ask that, right now Amu didn't need questioning. Right now Amu needed comfort. Utau only wished that Ikuto had been there to soothe Amu, but her idiotic brother wasn't there right now, so Utau did the comforting. 'If only Ikuto knew what damage he did to poor Amu,' Utau thought remorsefully.


	15. Chapter 15

_**Chapter 15**_

After a bit, Amu's cries quieted down. Once the tears were completely gone, Amu thanked Utau. School was still going, but Utau decided that it would be best for Amu if the two went home early. Utau grabbed the car keys out of Ikuto's locker and she drove Amu home. 'I hope that jerk has to walk home, he deserves it. While he's walking he should think about what he did.' Amu's body was hungry, but her mind wouldn't let her eat. So as soon as she got home, she locked herself in her room. Utau sighed and turned around, only to see her father.

Aruto Tsukiyomi was surprised to see his daughter home so early without Ikuto. "hello Utau, why are you home so early, and where's Ikuto?" Utau's expression darkened considerably at that last question. "Something happened at school to Amu, so I took her home early." Aruto nodded, "is what happened at school related to Ikuto?" Utau scowled, "yeah, that jerk really hurt Amu. When he gets home I'm going to give him a major piece of my mind." Utau was radiating a scary dark aura that scared Aruto, 'she's becoming more and more like Souko, Ikuto better watch out.' But then another question popped into Aruto's mind, "how exactly did Ikuto hurt Amu?" Utau sighed, "you know Saaya?" Recognition immediately registered on Aruto's face, and a small scowl appeared, "isn't she that girl who constantly clings onto Ikuto, is the president of his fan club, and has a reputation of being totally rude, lying, and deceitful?" "Yeah." Aruto nodded, "so what did that witch- oops sorry, I meant girl- do now?" "She confronted Amu and started to attack her, Amu was only defending herself, granted Amu did taunt her a bit (but that's just for her façade), Amu wasn't even punching back she was just blocking and dodgeing. Eventually though, Amu got sick of it so she grabbed Saaya's arm and told her that if she didn't stop Amu would have to hurt her. Unfortunately, Ikuto came in then and he immediately sided with Saaya. Dad, why would he do that? Doesn't he realize that he is hurting Amu?"

Aruto thought about it, then finally answered, "although, I do agree with you Utau, remember Ikuto is a guy." At seeing the glare from his daughter her hurried on, "you see, boys don't have as easy of a time recognizing feelings, theirs or others." Utau scowled, "that's no excuse dad! He has to fix it, but I bet that idiot doesn't even see what he did wrong!" Aruto looked at Utau, he saw the feelings in her eyes, 'Amu must be something really special, I have never seen Utau get this mad at Ikuto before.' Aruto smiled at Utau, "I'm glad you met Amu." Utau was surprised for a moment, then Ikuto came home.

Ikuto had Saaya clinging to him. Utau walked up to Saaya, "get out." She told the red-head. Saaya was taken aback for a bit. Then she laughed, "oh ho ho ho! That was funny Utau, nice one." Utau scowled, "I'm serious, I'm not afraid to take what I told you before into action." Utau threatened. "Oh you couldn't do that Utau, not with Iki here." Utau started to crack up at the stupid nickname, even Ikuto looked a little uncomfortable. "What's your problem?" Utau smirked, a crazy evil look on her face, "you're right, I'd do _much_ more than that. Saaya squeaked and hid behind her boyfriend. "Utau, you're being mean." Ikuto scolded. Utau glared at her brother, "shut up." Ikuto was taken aback, "what?" Utau's glare intensified, "I said shut up. Trash like you doesn't deserve to tell _me_ that I'm being mean. You disgust me." Ikuto just stood there shocked as Utau walked away, he had never seen Utau act like that towards him.

When Utau entered Amu's room, something was different. Amu was shaking, and was packing up. "Amu, what are you doing?" Amu looked up, "I was thinking that this would be the best time to leave." "Why?" "Because Ikuto hates me, he has no attachment towards me, and it's best that I keep it that way." Utau shook her head, "why Amu? You're doing that again, why do you push us away?" Tears were threatening to form in Utau's eyes. Amu sighed, "it's not you. It's me." Utau looked up, "Amu, how about this, if I tell the most embarrassing and dark secret of mine, will you tell me what causes you to push us away?" Amu thought about it for a while, 'can I trust Utau?' Finally, Amu nodded her head.

Utau smiled, "ok, well you see, uh, I well, I-" this was harder for Utau then she thought, finally, she quickly states, "IusedtothinkIwasinlovewithmybrother!" Amu looked at Utau for a second then, "can you repeat that?" Utau gave out a big sigh, then "I used to think I was in love with my brother. I had a brother complex." Amu looked at Utau for a second, then smiled, shocking Utau. "Thanks for sharing Utau, well I guess I should tell you my part." Amu breathed out, "it's complicated. Well, let's just say, the chances of me living past college are slim." "It can't be that bad Amu, what like a 60% chance? None of us know when we're going to die." Amu shook her head, "no Utau, it's worse than that." Utau's face showed worry. "The chances of my dying before I finish college are at 98%" Utau gasped, "what? Why?" "well, long story short, if these headphones come off, if music stops playing in my ears, I lose control of myself and will most likely end up being dead." Utau's eyes were wide, it felt like Amu had just shot her with a pistol. She suddenly rushed towards Amu, "Amu, please, try to hold on, I don't want you to die." Amu smiled sadly at her friend, "I've been trying to for a while now." Although it was quiet, almost a whisper, Utau heard it, "I want you and Ikuto to forget me." Utau looked up at Amu with her wide violet eyes. "But Amu, I don't want to leave you! I want to be there for you. Even if you die, I don't care if I cry because of it for the rest of my life. I want to help you."

Tears started to fall from golden depths of sadness. Who knew sadness could manifest in something so beautiful? "Thank you Amu, but I just can't do it. Excuse me Utau." Amu took Utau's arms off of her and walked to the sound proof room.

As soon as she entered it, she closed it. She scrolled through her music, chose one, and turned it up loud, so she could dance out her feelings. It was Me and My Broken Heart by Rixton

All I need's a little love in my life  
All I need's a little love in the dark  
A little but I'm hoping it might kick start  
Me and my broken heart  
I need a little loving tonight  
Hold me so I'm not falling apart  
A little but I'm hoping it might kick start  
Me and my broken heart

Yeah

Shot gun, aimed at my heart, you got one  
Tear me apart and then some  
How do we call this love (whoa oh oh oh)  
I try to run away but your eyes  
Tell me to stay, oh why,  
Why do we call this love (whoa oh oh oh)

It seems like we've been losing control  
Somebody tell me I'm not alone  
When I say

All I need's a little love in my life  
All I need's a little love in the dark  
A little but I'm hoping it might kick start  
Me and my broken heart  
I need a little loving tonight  
Hold me so I'm not falling apart  
A little but I'm hoping it might kick start  
Me and my broken heart

Maybe some part of you just hates me  
You pick me up and play me  
How do we call this love? (whoa oh oh oh)  
One time tell me you need me tonight  
To make it easy, you lie  
And say it's all for love (whoa oh oh oh)

It seems like we've been losing control  
Somebody tell me I'm not alone  
When I say

All I need's a little love in my life  
All I need's a little love in the dark  
A little but I'm hoping it might kick start  
Me and my broken heart  
I need a little loving tonight  
Hold me so I'm not falling apart  
A little but I'm hoping it might kick start  
Me and my broken heart

Whoa oh, whoa oh  
Me and my broken heart  
Whoa oh, whoa oh  
Me and my broken  
Yeah, yeah, yeah  
(Me and my broken, broken heart)  
Yeah, yeah, yeah  
How do we call this?

It's just me  
It's just me  
It's just me  
Me and my broken heart

All I need's a little love in my life  
All I need's a little love in the dark  
A little but I'm hoping it might kick start  
Me and my broken heart  
I need a little loving tonight  
Hold me so I'm not falling apart  
A little but I'm hoping it might kick start  
Me and my broken heart

Amu was dancing her heart away, she wanted love, she needed love. She knew it wasn't hers to have though, she realized though, she was happy. For that small bit of time, in a small part of her heart she was happy, she was glad that someone gave her love. Utau told Amu about herself, something embarrassing, something Utau definitely wanted to forget. 'Maybe I should have told her the whole- no. I can't burden her with that, besides I'm not ready myself to tell.' Amu sighed, she let herself be captured up by the music. Her graceful dance taking over her mind, she let her dance do the talking and thinking. It helped to take some of the weight off of her shoulder's but her heart still felt like it was being slowly crushed by a concrete prison.

Slowly, her feet stopped moving, the music kept playing. She stood there, "If only I wasn't me." She whispered, then maybe Ikuto would show interest her, then maybe she could be Utau's friend, then maybe she could listen to music when she wanted to. Right now she was sick of it, she wanted to turn off the music, it wasn't helping her mood. But because she was Amu Hinamori she had to keep playing it. No matter how painful it was right now. All it was right now was a reminder that she will probably never be normal.

Tears began to flow from her eyes, she wiped them, she seemed to be crying a lot recently. "Ikuto. Why is it that I feel this way? I want to be in your arms, I want you to comfort me and make me feel safe. That won't ever happen though, you love Saaya, and I can't be loved. Even if you wanted to, monsters aren't allowed to love." By now, Amu had stopped trying to wipe them away. She let her tears flow freely, 'isn't there any hope for me? Why! Why did that have to happen!? Why me!?' In the midst of her grief, she didn't realize that the music had stopped until it was too late.

' _Oh what a relief, hello Amu.'_ The voice was sounding sadder than usual, ' _I know how you feel Amu. You want to be loved, you tried to block out the feeling. I get it. But don't you see? You can't find love here? It's useless to live. Life holds no true love. Look at Utau, she thought she loved Ikuto, she was wrong and is now ashamed of herself. What about Ikuto? Ikuto doesn't love you either, he pretended to be all nice, but then when you need him most he just left you for Saaya, the one you needed protection from. Your parents left you as well, they didn't love you. They wanted to leave you and bring their better child with them.'_ By now Amu was crying, even harder this time, "p-please, stop! It's not true. They do love me, love isn't meaningless. It-" the voice interrupted her, colder now, _'Please, you know that isn't true. Don't lie to yourself Amu, you know that they don't love you. Who could? You're a monster remember, who would want to even be near a monster. A disloyal coward at that too. You seriously think that you had a chance with Ikuto? A freak like you? Have a chance with a hot popular guy? As if, wake up from the fairytales, this is reality Amu, not some storybook. It's disgusting though, the fact that you thought you even had a chance against Saaya. It was funny though, seeing you actually have a real fight against that girl. I seem to remember the first time you did it, you almost died, the second time Ikuto was clearly on Saaya's side.'_ Amu stopped struggling a bit and curled up into a ball on the floor, "you're right, I just wish I had someone to love." _'Face it Amu, you are meant to die unloved.'_ "Die?" _'Yes Amu, no one would miss you anyways. Come on, I can even show you to a place where it will all end quickly without any pain.'_

Amu's body automatically moved on its own, it almost looked like Amu was sleepwalking, but with her eyes opened. Those once fiery suns had dimmed to a dull shine. They didn't seem to pierce your soul anymore, they just showed emptiness. Amu's hand reached out and grabbed something sharp, she raised it in the air, and plunged it down, into her heart.


	16. Chapter 16

_**Chapter 16**_

 _Amu's hand reached out and grabbed something sharp, she raised it in the air, and plunged it down, into her heart._ But before it could deliver the fatal blow, her arm was grabbed and forced away, the deadly object, a knife, was cast aside. "Amu, what are you doing?" Ikuto yelled. But the girl didn't respond, there was no life in her eyes, and if he didn't know any better, Ikuto would have thought that she was dead. Her skin was pale, eyes lifeless, then she spoke, but even her voice was monotonous, as though she were asleep, "isn't it obvious?" Then her eyes flashed, life came into them, a malicious light. "Amu, why would you try to kill yourself? What would you get out of it?" Amu looked at him, her eyes scared him but he held her gaze. "What does life hold for me? It's pointless, full of deceit and lies."

Amu stepped back as Ikuto kept moving towards her. "Why Amu?" Ikuto looked hurt, "what makes you think that life is only full of lies? Is it something I did?" Amu shook her head, she stepped back again, and hit the piano, accidently hit a two keys that sounded in perfect harmony. For a split second Amu's eyes started to fill with light. Ikuto saw this and an idea came into his head. He hurriedly pulled out his violin, tightened the bow hair, and put the violin under his chin. He started to play his music.

Amu started to calm down, he eyes looked alive again and softer, almost sad. As Ikuto was playing she went over to her headphones. As soon as they were on Ikuto stopped playing. "I'm so sorry Ikuto." Ikuto looked at the girl who was now crying. "What are you talking about?" "You didn't deserve to see that. Who would want to see that?" Ikuto walked up and started to hug the girl, "it's ok," Amu stiffened, she was surprised. "Y-you're not disgusted?" "Why would I be disgusted Amu? I just want to help you." Amu then struggled out of his embrace. "No!" Ikuto looked at the pinkette, confused. "Why not Amu?" "Because Ikuto, y-you just can't!" "Amu, it's going to be ok." "No Ikuto! You don't get it! It's not going to be ok. If you help me, the only thing that will come out of it is pain for you. Trust me when I say this, you don't want to even be my friend." "Why Amu!? I don't care how much pain comes to me, I can take it." "JUST GO BACK TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND TSUKIYOMI!" Ikuto looked at the girl. Then said in a quiet voice, "is this what it's about? The fact that I love Saaya?" What Ikuto said hurt Amu, but she couldn't let her pride or her feelings get in the way of doing what she knew was right. "It's not Tsukiyomi, I couldn't care less who you love. I just don't want to see your face any more than I have to. Just get out of my life you stupid cat." With that, Amu ran out of the room, leaving a stunned Ikuto.

 _ **The next day at school**_

Amu had been silent for the entire day at school. When she had lunch she hid from everyone else. She tried to be in as much solitude as possible. She looked and felt depressed, but she ignored it. She was meant to walk alone. In a corner of the school yard, high up in the shadows of a tree she found quiet. She could see almost everything from up there. She could see a depressed Utau trying to talk to her friends, then getting up to privately talk with Kukai. On the other side of the school yard she could see Saaya clinging onto and kissing a distracted Ikuto on the cheek. 'This is what is supposed to happen, for me to be on the outside, a bystander, just watching. I'm supposed to be the one who doesn't interfere.' Despite telling herself that, her heart still felt a tug telling her to go over there. She ignored it, just like all of her other feelings that she ignored since the accident.

Ikuto was ignoring his girlfriend as he was trying to look for a certain pinkette. He didn't even know why, 'I love Saaya yet I seem to only be thinking about Amu. Why?' His mind kept flashing to the incident that happened recently. 'Why was she trying to kill herself? And why did that urge suddenly stop when Ikuto started to play?' "You're thinking about Amu aren't you?" Ikuto looked down at his girlfriend. "Y-yeah, sorry about that." Saaya frowned, "you really should stop thinking about her and get your sister away from her. S-she gives me a bad feeling. She seems to always play the victim, but then she turns evil. Don't you remember when she attacked me? She's the kind of person to pretend to kill herself just to get what she wants." Ikuto was fooled, and now angry, angry at the girl he had once felt sympathy and sadness for. "Don't worry Saaya, you don't have to worry about Amu. I like her in no way whatsoever." Saaya smiled (totally fake, not that Ikuto noticed), "thank goodness, I'd hate to see you hurt because of that girl."

Amu was still sitting in her tree, when she noticed Saaya and Ikuto have a deep passionate kiss. Right before her eyes. Her golden eyes saddened, but she turned around, 'keh, like I would care. I don't even like him anyways.' But that didn't get rid of the twinge in her heart. The bell rang, the couple broke apart, and Amu silently jumped out of the tree. No one noticed her until she reached the courtyard part of the school. "Amu Hinamori!" everyone screamed, Amu rolled her eyes, hoping that people would think her a jerk and not like her anymore, instead, "Cool and spicy!" Amu sighed, that didn't help. Then out of the corner of her eye, she saw someone glare at her. That was good, until she saw who it was. "Ikuto." She whispered, but quickly recovered herself and just kept walking by. 'It's for the best.' But her heart felt significantly heavier.

As Amu was walking through the halls, she felt someone tug at her headphones. She whipped around, but it was too crowded to determine the culprit. Amu shrugged and went her way, but just to make sure, kept a hand on her headphones. She couldn't risk them coming off. She had given up a while ago on trying to resist the voices in her head, it was just impossible. So now, she was determined to keep her headphones on at all times, she didn't want to have another episode happen. She didn't notice someone smirk at her, 'oh yes, I will make her life pure torture.' They thought, before melting in with the rest of the crowd. If only Amu knew that something like that was going to happen, she might have prepared for what was going to happen next.

It was in class that the first thing happened. A picture appeared, in her desk. She looked at it, and gasped, jumping out of her seat. "Umm, Mr. Nikaido, I have to go." She ran out of the class before the teacher could even say anything. Amu looked at the picture in her hand. "Who, and how?"


	17. Chapter 17

_**Chapter 17**_

"Who gave me this picture and how did they get it?" It was a precious picture to Amu, but also a painful one. Amu's hands were shaking, she looked pale. The painful memories were coming back, memories that she wanted to forget but knew she couldn't. She sat down on the floor of the bathroom, letting her tears go free.

Amu heard the door open, causing her to lift her head. It was Saaya. She looked away, not wanting to deal with her. "Oh Amu, are you sad?" It sounded sympathetic, but Amu knew that it was fake. Amu just turned her head farther away, "I'm sorry Saaya, but, can you leave me alone for a bit? I just need a break from everything." "No." Amu looked up, she knew that was going to be Saaya's answer but it didn't stop Amu's blood from boiling.

"Actually, I was hoping that I could speak with you." Amu's eyes narrowed. "Yes? What do you need?" Saaya leaned forward so she was in Amu's face, "I heard about your friends, dead aren't they?" Amu's head flew back so quickly that she smacked it on the wall. "H-how did you know about that?" Saaya shrugged, "I have my sources. If I were you, I'd stay away from this school, unless you want everyone to die in here to. You know, your hair doesn't match you." Saaya smirked evilly and then pulled out a can of black paint, and dumped it on Amu's head. "Now it matches, you're like a black hole, pulling everyone you touch with you to misery and even death." Amu didn't respond, she only buried her head on her knees. "Don't worry though, I haven't told Ikuto yet. If I did he would probably pity you, something which I know both of us don't want." Saaya exited the bathroom. Amu just sat there, then she realized, the headphones! She quickly pulled them off, they were slightly damaged. Amu's eyes widened. She quickly pulled out her phone and texted, 'Utau, emergency, put music on the speakers.' She would have used her phone to put music on, but jerks from her old school did something to it that it couldn't have music put on it. It didn't matter at the time, but now she needed it.

Whispers were starting, but thankfully, Utau's mission was a success, and music was put on the loudspeakers, not that it was hard once Utau explained the situation, since the principal knew of Amu's condition. The music shut the whispers up. Amu breathed a sigh of relief. She got up and looked at herself in the mirror, the black paint covered her hair completely and there was a few drops of paint on her face and clothes but it was mostly on her hair. Amu sighed, she didn't want to walk out of the bathroom looking like this, but she had to. That's when she remembered, she started to rummage around in her bag. 'Thank you!' she found a sweatshirt with a big hood. She pulled it on and put the hood up. It hid her face and the only thing that shown through were her eyes. It completely hid the black paint on her clothes and hair.

When Amu walked out of the bathroom the bell rang. She sighed and looked at the picture, 'I hate to admit it, but Saaya's right. I'll just stay away from everyone else.' So there Amu was, walking down the hallways, all alone, her headphones off, and feeling like a lone wolf. Everywhere she went, people avoided her, whenever she looked at someone who was staring, they would immediately turn away. For the rest of science class, Amu was staring off into space, then she remembered something her friend said, 'I wish everyone could live happily together, but the only thing holding everyone back is people and their prejudices and emotions.' Amu shook her head sadly, 'At the time I believed that, but now I don't think you're right anymore. That is just impossible for everyone to live happily together.' Then the teacher called Amu to answer a question, bringing her out of her thoughts, she easily answered the question and went back into her shell.

The rest of her classes went that way, all by herself with no one coming near her, and her coming near no one. After school was finally over, she decided she wasn't ready to go home yet. She started to walk over to where she used to hang out all the time with her friends. The swing set was empty, it used to be their favorite place to talk. Their bright happy faces were still vivid in her memory. They always seemed to be filled with such glee. Smiling sadly, she sat down on the swing she had always sat on. 'I can't believe it's been 3 years already. I miss you girls so much. If things had been different you could have met them as well. I like Utau, she amazingly nice, and there's Ikuto. I like him a lot, but he loves someone else. It doesn't matter anyways though, with my mental problems it would be impossible anyways. If only you were here, then I wouldn't be alone anymore.'

She was so caught up in thinking that she didn't realize that rain had started to fall, after a few more minutes, the rain had turned to a downpour. She didn't mind it though, it matched how she felt. She looked up into the sky, 'even the raindrops have other raindrops to keep them company. Unlike me, my friends are dead.' She couldn't care less if she got sick from it, she was already sick in the head anyways. Thankfully the rain had provided a music for her. For some odd reason, the voices never came out when it rained. She didn't headphones, so she was free to think her thoughts without any voices coming out. So there she sat, a drenched girl the rain hiding her tears.

 _ **Meanwhile**_

"Dad, we have to go find Amu!" Utau was freaked out, it was raining and Amu still hadn't come back yet. Aruto looked at his daughter, "we will have to wait it out Utau." "But dad, Amu doesn't have any waterproof gear, and knowing her, she won't even care that it's raining. Don't you realize that she might die out there?" "Aruto shook his head, "the worst she could get out there is a fever," Utau stood up and screamed, "DAD! HER HEADPHONES ARENT' WATERPROOF! SHE NEEDS HER HEADPHONES OR AT LEAST SOME MUSIC WITHOUT THEM-" Utau was forced to stop because if her tears. Father and daughter didn't realize that Ikuto was leaning on the wall in the hall, listening to their conversation. He had never seen Utau get so upset. Then he felt a hand on his shoulder, he looked up to see his mother. "Ikuto, can you go find Amu, I'm worried about her." "Why? Like dad said-" "I'll let Amu tell you why she needs her music, but right now, it's too dangerous for her if we wait. I would go, but I think it's best if you go." Ikuto nodded and walked out the door, "darn, why am I supposed to go out looking for that liar?"

 _ **At the park**_

Amu was still sitting on her swing, looking at the other swings. "You said that we would be together for our weddings. We were supposed to be each other's bridesmaids. All of those things that I wanted to do with you. I don't ever get to do with you." Amu pulled out four hairclips that she had meant to give to them on that day. Amu closed her eyes, she remembered how they used to have such fun on rainy days. Once they had even snuck out of the house to play in the rain, Amu laughed at the fact that they had gotten a good scolding and a cold for that stunt. But her smile slowly slid off her face, 'I have no right to be smiling right now.' "It should have been me that died!" she screamed at herself. She buried her face in her hands. "it should have been me," she whispered. Thankfully the voice didn't come out, because Amu just wasn't in the position to be able to struggle. She was so busy crying that she didn't realize that someone else was there until she heard someone speak.

"There you are Amu. Why were you out here? You shouldn't be here." Amu looked up to see Ikuto and instantly scrambled off the swing and away from him. "Please Ikuto, just leave me alone." Ikuto looked at the girl and glared, "I came all this way in the rain to find you and this is what I get?" Amu looked away, "I didn't ask you to come." Ikuto grabbed the girl and started to shake her, "what do you mean? I am taking you home!" He was shaking her so hard that the hood slipped off. The first thing he saw was Amu's hair, covered with black paint, then he noticed the absence of Amu's headphones. "Amu, what happened to your hair? And where are your headphones?" "I deserve it." "That's not what I asked Amu, tell me what happened?" As much as he didn't like Amu right now, he felt like he should still beat up whoever did this to her. "Someone dumped paint on my head and it ruined my headphones. It's ok though, I deserve it. She was right, I think you should leave Ikuto."

Ikuto was taken aback, but then he grabbed her hand, "no, I am going home and you are coming with me." "Please Ikuto! I don't want you or Utau to get hurt! Don't you see, she's right, I'm just like a black hole! I only drag those around me into darkness and misery!" Ikuto whirled around, "who told you that!? And why would you think that that's right?!"Ikuto was furious, not just with that person for telling Amu that, not just with Amu for believing that, but also at himself for thinking that Amu was so bad. It was only now that he realized that Amu wasn't lying, she wasn't cold, she just didn't want to hurt others, 'how did I not see that?!' Amu looked away. "I can't tell you that, besides, why does it matter if it's true?" Ikuto took Amu's shoulders and forced her to look at him. "It does matter and it's not true, that's why I need to know." Amu shook her head, "it will only hurt you to find out and you probably won't believe me anyways." "Amu, I don't care how much it hurts me, I need to know this. And of course I would believe you." Amu shook her head and tried struggling out of his grip. "NO! Just let me go!" Ikuto's grip still stayed iron firm, but his voice softened considerably, "Amu, please stop trying to push me away, that's what is really hurting me." Amu stopped struggling, her voice came out as barely a whisper, "I'm sorry Ikuto, but I just can't let it happen. If I do, you will surely be hurt 10 times more."

"I doubt that will ever happen. Nothing's worse than knowing that the girl you trust, doesn't trust you back. Nothing is worse than that. Amu looked at him with pleading eyes, but then eventually gave in. "Fine, I'll go back with you, but nothing else." Ikuto smiled at the girl, while she still clearly wasn't accepting the idea of letting him in, it was still progress. Baby step progress, but hey, you have to start somewhere.

They were about half-way to the house when suddenly, Amu's legs gave out beneath her. Ikuto wrapped his arm around her waist just before she hit the ground. He picked her up bridal-style and kept walking. Her breathing was a little shallow, when he put his hand to her forehead, it was burning hot. "Amu, you have a fever!" She just barely nodded, her eyes were starting to close. "You better be ok Amu."


	18. Chapter 18

_**Chapter 18**_

He couldn't reach home fast enough, but when he did, he breathed a sigh of relief. Utau and Souko took over after that, changing her clothes, drying her hair, and getting her to bed. He looked up at his father, "you did well Ikuto." Ikuto smiled in response. But then he looked worriedly at Amu's room when Utau and Souko came out. Utau looked at him, "Ikuto, can you go into Amu's room and play your violin for her? She needs it right now." Ikuto looked at his sister with a questioning look but obeyed.

Once he reached Amu's room, he saw her fast asleep, but curled up in a ball and whimpering. He instantly pulled out his violin and started to play the melody of the song Once Upon a December. The whimpering stopped, but Ikuto kept playing his violin. His music sounded beautiful, like it was played by an angel instead of by a teenage guy. The notes flowed beautifully out of his violin, soft and kind. Ikuto enjoyed playing his violin, but playing music for Amu made it even more special for him.

While he was playing he thought about her, 'who would tell her such terrible things, and throw paint on her and ruin her headphones? She had said it was someone that I knew and if I knew who it was it would hurt me. How can I be hurt?' He looked at Amu, she was sleeping so peaceful now, almost happy. 'I want to make you happy Amu, for as long as I live. You won't have to cry anymore.' With that, he kept playing his violin, letting the music take over his thoughts.

 _ **An hour later**_

When Amu woke up, Ikuto was still playing his violin. She started to sit up, but she was too weak and tired to do that. Besides, she was only half-awake anyways. Ikuto took the opportunity to ask Amu, "so who dumped the pain on you?" "Saaya," Amu mumbled. Ikuto was shocked, he had not expected that answer. He didn't know that Saaya was so mean, then it all clicked. That was why she said all those mean untrue things about Amu, and if he had to guess, it was probably Saaya who started the fight, not Amu. But he had fallen for Saaya's trickery and acting and had assumed that it was Amu who had started the fight. That was also why Amu didn't want him to know who did it. He knew she had assumed that Ikuto loved Saaya, even though it actually wasn't true. He had let his anger at Amu take over rational reason, so he played along with Saaya. 'I'm such an idiot.' He looked at Amu again, "I'm sorry Amu, I didn't even give you a chance for you to explain yourself and I gave you more pain." Ikuto's music became sad and apologetic for Amu, Amu had fallen back asleep again, but that's ok, as long as she was happy. It was enough for Ikuto.

Ikuto had just finished a few more songs when Amu woke up, this time fully awake. Her face was still flushed from her fever, but she was less tired. She knew she wasn't strong enough to lift herself up, so she just lay there, listening to the beautiful music. She didn't know anymore, 'be alone but not risk anybody's safety, or be with friends and risk people's safety?' she honestly didn't know, either way she looked at it, somebody would be in pain, 'I'm being selfish, risking another's happiness for my own.' But when she looked at Ikuto, he seemed happy. He didn't even realize she was awake. She lifted her eyes to the ceiling, 'if only they had never met me, it would have saved them the pain of loss. Should I tell Ikuto about it?' She shook her head, 'I can't tell him yet, it would probably hurt him more to think about it. No, the best thing is probably to just disappear from their lives, they'll forget about me then. If they don't remember me, they won't feel pain.' Even though she said that, it didn't bring any less pain to know that she would lose the friends that she had gained. 'I can't be selfish though, I will do anything to make sure that they are happy, even if it makes me unhappy.' She fell asleep again, if only she realized what would happen to test what she had just said.

 _ **A few days later**_

Amu was sitting in her bed, new headphones on, thinking about how she could disappear from their lives when her phone beeped, signaling that she got a text message. Amu turned on her phone and read it, ' _if you don't want your friends hurt, come to the place of last black ivy at 4:00 in five days. Alone.'_ Amu knew exactly what last black ivy meant. Black symbolizes death, and ivy symbolizes friendship. This person wanted to meet Amu at the spot where her friends died. It was too cruel, but she had to, she didn't want her friends to get hurt. Amu turned off her phone. 'I won't let them get hurt. I might not have been able to protect my old friends, but my new ones I will. She was determined to, nothing would stop her. 'I will definitely be there in five days. I don't care if I die from it, physically or mentally, I will sacrifice everything for them. I will not let what happen to you four happen to those two, I promise girls.'

 _ **three days later**_

Amu was preparing herself, she was almost perfectly fine, but she knew she still hadn't regained all of her energy yet. She was in the workout room of the gym at school, preparing herself physically. She had given up trying to prepare herself mentally, she already knew that that was impossible. Amu looked at the punching bag in front of her and kept practicing. Throwing all of her strength into each punch. She couldn't risk not being strong enough. Ikuto and Utau didn't know about what she was doing thankfully, yet. She didn't know for how long she could keep it a secret, but hopefully they wouldn't find out until after the fifth day arrived. She did feel bad about keeping it a secret from them, but what could she do? If she told them, they would want to come with. The text specifically said she had to come alone, if she didn't those two would get hurt.

She had wanted to keep them away for the first 1 ½ days, but they were so kind to her, that she couldn't help it. Utau always made her laugh, and Ikuto, everytime she saw his face or heard his voice her heart would flutter faster than a hummingbird's wings. When he looked at her, she would always blush, she had to admit it now, she must like him, a lot. Thankfully though, it didn't seem like Ikuto thought that way about her back. Utau though, Utau thought of Amu as a best friend. 'They have both helped me so much, that I at least owe them fighting back. If this person wants to hurt me or kill me, I should at least try to stay alive.' Amu didn't want to see Utau cry, Ikuto probably wouldn't cry, but Utau would.

She was now punching so hard, that she didn't notice her hands were starting to get little scratches and the punching bag was almost destroyed. Amu looked at her hands, she decided to move on so that she didn't look like she was punching a bag. She moved on to a treadmill and started to run on it, pushing herself to go faster and faster. Not until she was completely out of breath did she stop to move on, going onto sit-ups. It kept on going moving on to something else when she was completely exhausted.

After Amu had done all that she could, she walked over to the mirror, while she was stronger than before, it didn't look that way at all. Amu was totally sore, she ignored it. She decided she would rest tomorrow then when the fifth-day came, she would be as ready as she could be to defend herself. She was completely drenched in sweat, 'gross, that's totally disgusting.' As she was showering in the girl's lockers, she didn't realize who came into the room.


	19. Chapter 19

_**Chapter 19**_

When Amu exited the shower room, after having changed already in a stall, she came face-to-face with Utau. Staring straight at her, tapping her foot, her face telling that she was demanding an explanation. Amu raked her fingers through her dripping wet hair. "Oh hi Utau, what are you doing here?" "Amu, cut the crap, what's going on?" Amu gulped, Utau was serious, "well, I just finished exercising so I took a shower." "Since when do you exercise?" Darn, she noticed. "I was just really bored so why not spend my time doing something productive?" Utau looked at Amu, "you know… if you didn't want to tell me you could've just said so." Amu's jaw dropped to the floor, 'how did she know?' "Amu, I'm not dumb, especially since I'm your best friend and I've been living with you for a while." 'She can read minds!' "Anyways, I'll leave you to whatever you were going to do." And Utau walked out of the room, making Amu feel a little bit guilty for not telling her friend the truth.

Then her phone began to ring. "Hello?" "Amu, it's mom. Are you doing well?" Amu smiled, "yes I am, why are you calling?" "I'm not allowed to call my own daughter?" "Well I was just wondering." "Anyways, we just wanted to call you to tell you that we will be coming here to get you in about 5-6 days." Amu smiled, "that's great, ok, I gotta go, bye mom. See you soon." She then hung up. Her smile immediately dropped. 'if I don't die.' She added in her thoughts.

As she was walking through the halls she could hear shouting, she continued on her way (that doesn't mean she couldn't hear it though.' "Saaya, it's over." It was Ikuto, then she heard Saaya. "But why Ikuto? We love each other. I even planned out our wedding!" Saaya whined. "No Saaya, I don't love you, I can't date someone I don't love. I'm not going to say it again, it's over." "Is this because of Amu? I thought I told you that she's awful and-" "Don't talk about Amu like that!" Ikuto snapped, then footsteps could be heard getting nearer to Amu.

Amu felt rooted to the spot as Ikuto passed her, her eyes wide, and her heart fluttering wildly. Then she felt someone's arms wrap around her waist and a head bury itself in her neck. "Hey Amu, you heard that didn't you?" "It was kind of hard not to hear it, you were kind of loud." There was a pause, then, "why did you defend me?" Ikuto kissed her cheek and buried his head in her neck again, "because you are absolutely wonderful." Amu was shocked. No one had said that before, it was always implied but no one has ever come out and directly told her that. "Y-your lying." She felt Ikuto spin her around and press her to his chest in a hug. "Amu, you have to believe in me, yourself. You are wonderful, do not let _anyone_ tell you otherwise." Amu wanted to tell him, she wanted to tell him about everything so badly, but she just couldn't bring herself to it.

"Ikuto," she looked up into his eyes and was about to say something when he brought his lips down to hers and kissed her. Amu was shocked at first, but kissed him back. Her head was screaming at herself, but her heart was encouraging her. Her heart was fluttering about like a butterfly and she had never felt happier. 'Is it possible that I love him?' She knew that she shouldn't, but she couldn't help it. He was so kind and caring, beneath his cold exterior, he was a great guy. 'I don't deserve him, especially since I will probably die soon. But, just a little longer, then I'll get out of his life.' Ikuto slowly pulled away, nothing but love in his eyes. "Come on Amu, I want to show you something." He pulled Amu with him over to a door. He opened it with his hands covering her eyes led her into the room.

As soon as Ikuto took his hands off of her eyes, she gasped. "Ikuto, it's beautiful!" The room around them was darker, but it was slightly lit up by a ceiling of stars above. "Yeah, this is an observatory. It records the stars on a video tape at night and the next day when the stars can't be seen, they play what was recorded on the ceiling until the stars come out again." "Wow, it's amazing. How come I haven't heard of this room before?" "Not many people have access to this room. So you like it?" "Like it? I love it!" She was so absorbed the ceiling, that she didn't notice Ikuto sneak up behind her. Until she felt someone wrap their arms around her waist and put his chin on her head. "You know; you could have told me about Saaya being a jerkette to you." "How did you know about that?" "You told me." "I did not!" "You told me when you were half-asleep." Amu's face reddened. "w-why would you ask when I was half-asleep? D-don't you have a sense of dignity?" "I do." "As if." "I'm being decent right now." "Really? How?" Ikuto couldn't help himself, he chuckled, "what do you think most guys would do with you in a dark room with the door closed and a romantic setting?" Amu's face reddened, it was hard to tell, but Ikuto could see it with the little light there was. "Oh did I embarrass, my little strawberry?"

Amu turned around to face him, then looked at the stars. She remembered how her friends and her used to stay up all night and just stare at the stars. Then she looked at Ikuto again, and she didn't know what came over her. But she grabbed the front of Ikuto's shirt and pulled him close to her and she reached up and kissed him. Putting her whole self into it.

Ikuto was shocked, he had not expected Amu to do that. He quickly returned the kiss though, and pulled her closer to him. Yes, they were kissing, again. When they pulled apart, Amu started walking away, "Ikuto, no matter what happens, know that I love you." Ikuto was staring back after, a grin on his face. He didn't even have to trick her in order to get it out of her.

As soon as Amu left the room, she received a text message. _'I changed my mind, meet me at 4:00 today in the same spot.'_ Amu's breath was taken away. She quickly looked at the time, it was 3:45. It took at least 15 minutes to get to where her friends died, she had to hurry. She rushed out of the school, ignoring that she was leaving early, it was an emergency after all. Ikuto and Utau's safety was at stake.

 **Ok, wow, I just realized how over dramatic that last sentence was, sorry about that. It works though.**


	20. Chapter 20

_**Chapter 20**_

Amu was rushing through the streets; she couldn't be late. Amu knew the way to the place by heart. She had been there so many times. Amu finally made it there. She looked about wildly, no one was there, why? The whole house was empty. Amu looked about, "wow, I'm surprised my old house hasn't been bought yet, or torn down. It's in such bad shape because of the fire." She looked around as she went upstairs to her bedroom, it hadn't really changed much. Yes, this was Amu's old house, she used to live in this city until her friends died, then her family moved away to take Amu away all of the painful memories.

That's when a door opened, Amu looked at the person who had given her all of those texts. Amu instantly recognized her, "Diamond?" The blonde girl smiled, "I'm surprised you remember me after all these years." "Of course I remember you! How could I forget the sister of my four best friends?" Diamond smirked, "You know, it should have been you that died, not my sisters. Ran, Miki, Sue, and Dia; they didn't deserve to die, you did." Amu took a step back, then she looked away, Diamond was right after all. "I know Diamond, and if I could go back in time I would have pushed them out of the way instead of the other way around." "Yeah, well saying that won't change the past." Amu felt tears prick her eyes. "It's all because of you that I lost my four sisters in one day. You already spent more time with them than I did, you had already practically taken them away! But you just couldn't stop yourself could you? You just had to take them away completely!" Amu took a step back. "Diamond, I'm sorry, I-" "Shut up! I don't want to hear from a monster like you!" Amu took a step back, "yeah, you heard right Amu, you try to fool people, but you can't fool me. I know that you're a monster. While _your_ house burned down, it wasn't _you_ who died with it but _my_ sisters. I hate you!" Diamond screamed with tears falling like rain.

Amu looked at the girl, pity filled her golden eyes. She walked forward and was about to place her hand on Diamond's shoulder when Diamond smacked Amu's hand away. As well as Amu's headphones. Amu's eyes widened, she looked for the headphones, but it had flown out of the open window, a story below. She was starting to run out of the room, when the whispers started. Amu fell back against a wall, pressing her hands to her ears. She started to shake her head, but she had enough sanity to pull out her phone, she quickly pulled up a number she had just received and texted the address. Just after she sent it, the whispers erupted into roars. She clutched her head, dropping the phone. Diamond looked at Amu with worry. While she still resented Amu, she realized something was wrong and her sisters would not have wanted this.

Amu was in agony, she was completely reliving the night it all happened. She felt the searing pain brought by the flames licking her skin, the smoke stinging her eyes and choking her lungs. Her throat was dry and hoarse from screaming for her friends. Amu's eyes were desperately looking about in the burning room. Tears were starting to form in her eyes, her heart starting to feel heavier as her friends didn't answer her. Then she saw them, blocked from the exit by a huge flame. "Run Amu! Don't worry about us! We'll be fine! Just go!" Amu's heart felt like it had just been broken in half and tossed into the flames. ' _See Amu? You are a monster. You should have died that night, but look! You are in the same house that they died in, why not die here. It would be the perfect setting.'_ The voice coaxed.

Amu's expression full face turned blank and she started to walk towards the open window. Diamond reached out to grab Amu's hand, but Amu just kept walking, causing Diamond's grip to be broken. Amu reached the window and climbed to stand on the window sill. "Amu! Don't do this! I know you think that you should have died to, but don't waste my sisters' sacrifice!" Diamond screamed, but it was pointless. Amu turned to face Diamond, tears streaming from her dull, lifeless golden eyes, "girls," was all she whispered, then she leaned back and fell from the window to her death. "AMU!"


	21. Chapter 21

_**Chapter 21**_

Amu was falling, she closed her eyes, she was prepared for this wasn't she? Suddenly, a new image flashed in her head that replaced the picture of her trapped friends. It was Ikuto, Utau, Souko Tsukiyomi, Aruto Tsukiyomi, her mother, her father, and her younger sister. 'What am I doing? I can't do this, they need me!' Amu's eyes snapped open, but it was too late, she was already falling. Amu squeezed her eyes shut. 'I don't want to die! I can't disrespect my friends' deaths like this!' She was starting to prepare for the hard impact. 'Will it hurt? Will I die quickly?'

But the impact never came, instead it was softer. Amu opened her eyes after a few seconds, her eyes immediately met a pair of indigo eyes that shown with worry. "What were you thinking Amu?! You're lucky that I came over here in time or you would be dead!" The person shouted. But Amu's mind was growing fuzzy, she couldn't make out who it was, she only saw the eyes. Her eyesight was starting to grow blurry, her head was spinning. But just before she passed out, she whispered, "thank you."

Ikuto looked down at the girl, his heart was beating, he had given him a scare. She seemed fine now, but what could have driven the girl to jump off the window? Then he noticed her headphones lying a few feet away on the ground. That's when Utau came sprinting to them with Kukai at her side. She looked at Amu, then her headphones, and gasped. Kukai seemed shocked as well. Ikuto was confused, they were looking at the headphones as if they were the key to the situation. He really didn't understand. Ikuto looked up to the window where Amu had jumped down from. There was a girl there, she was staring down, completely shocked. That's when she rushed from the window and came rushing down to the street.

Utau pulled out her phone and called for an ambulance while Ikuto asked the girl questions, "what happened?" "Her headphones were knocked off and she all of a sudden started to scream and clutch her head like she was in pain. Then all of a sudden, she walked over to the window and jumped off." Ikuto thought for a bit, 'why does it always seem like trouble happens when her headphones come off?' He didn't get to think much more about it though, because the ambulance came. They took Amu, put her on a stretcher, placed the stretcher into the vehicle and rushed off. Ikuto took his motorcycle and Kukai took his with Utau and they both rushed off to the hospital.

When the three reached the hospital, the doctors were already taking care of Amu, so they had to stay in the waiting room. Ikuto paced throughout the whole time. Utau was squeezing Kukai's hand for comfort. Ikuto just couldn't stay still. 'Amu, something's going on with you, why won't you tell me? Do you not trust me? You went on your own to somewhere, it seems like you're always on your own. Why did I let that happen?' His thoughts were a lot like this for the rest of the hour they had to wait. A nurse came to the waiting room, "are you here for Amu Hinamori?" Ikuto snapped to attention, and Utau and Kukai abruptly stood up. "Come right this way, she's weak but she'll be ok." Ikuto made a slight sigh of relief but wanted to see her too badly to relax.

They were ushered into a room, when they saw Amu they rushed up to her. She was sitting up in bed, but she looked tired. She turned her head to smile at her friends. Then her eyes caught sight of Ikuto. She sighed, "Hey guys, I thank you for coming to see me, but can you leave so I could talk to Ikuto alone?" They nodded and left the room.

As soon as the door shut, "I'm sorry Ikuto. You're probably confused right now, why I just attempted suicide and all of that. I'll explain the situation now since Kukai and Utau know about it." Ikuto looked at Amu, "don't force it if you don't have to Amu, I will understand if you don't-" "I need to tell you Ikuto. I trust you with it, and I want you to know about this." Amu took a deep breath, preparing for what she was about to tell Ikuto. "I have- well- I guess you could say that I have minor mental problems. It wasn't always like that though," she looked at Ikuto, "it came about when I witnessed my friends dying in a fire right before my eyes." Ikuto immediately hugged Amu for support as her voice started to choke up.

"ever since then, I have heard voices, voices that tell me to commit suicide, and eventually I lose control and commit it." She released herself from Ikuto's grip and pulled up her shirt revealing a long scar mark from what looks like a knife. Then she took off her bracelet revealing another knife mark, and lifted her hair up revealing another scar. "The first time was two days after the fire when I stabbed myself in the stomach. The next time was about a month after ward when I cut myself with a knife on my wrist, the third time was when I had jumped off a wall and ended up hitting my neck on a sharp edge.

My parents' could never get sleep then, they were constantly worried about me. They kept sending me to different doctors to see if they could fix my problem. No one could, I was almost given up to a mental hospital until one doctor came and told me to put on headphones, instantly the voices stopped. I was able to be safe by myself and relax. That doctor was Kukai's brother. The one problem was though, I couldn't ever take off my headphones.

The people at my school had heard about the fire, they constantly bullied me about what happened. It wasn't safe for me to stay there because the main thing they ever did was steal my headphones. Thankfully my parents were offered a different place at their job so they moved here, and you know the rest."

Ikuto was shocked, he hugged Amu closer to him, "I am so sorry that you had to suffer that Amu, but why didn't to tell me that sooner, I could have helped you." "It was for your own protection. I thought it would be better for you to not be burdened with such a terrible truth." Ikuto took Amu's shoulders and looked straight into her eyes, those beautiful yet shocked eyes, the eyes that showed the pain hidden everywhere else. "Amu, I could never be burdened by the truth you have told me. It's actually more of a burden to see that's there is something wrong but not knowing what it is. So please, keep telling me your secrets." Then Ikuto knelt **(so princely!)** and took her hand, and whispered, "I promise you that I will always be there for you, no matter what happens." With that, he leaned his face down, and brought her hand to his lips.

Amu's eyes widened, she had never expected that to happen. She dreamed of it? Yes, but she didn't think that dream would come true. Amu smiled to herself, "thank you," she whispered. That's when she noticed, she still wasn't wearing her headphones, yet no voices. "That's odd." Ikuto looked up at Amu, still kneeling, that's when he noticed where her hands were. Her ears. Then he noticed that she was not wearing her headphones. "Ikuto? Why am I not hearing any voices?" Ikuto wasn't sure what was happening.

He stood up and looked down at Amu, "I'm going to call for a doctor here, what was your doctor's name?" "Doctor Souma." Ikuto nodded and pressed the phone button on the wall. "Hello? If we could have Doctor Souma come up to room 2-11 that would be great."

After a few minutes the door opened and in came Doctor Souma with Utau and Kukai trailing behind him. "What's wrong?" Doctor Souma asked. "For some reason, I'm not hearing any voices, yet my headphones are off. What's going on?" Amu was kind of nervous and scared, 'what if this means that I'm getting worse?' But the doctor smiled, no, he didn't just smile, he beamed. "Wonderful news!" Amu looked at him, "excuse me?" "You won't be hearing any more voices Amu, you're cured." Amu jumped up, "really? How?" "You learned to love and trust Amu." Amu shook her head, "I already knew how to do that." "Did you really?" Amu thought about it for a few moments, "I guess not, but what does that have to do with anything?" "I think it's because you didn't truly know what love was, you had no one that you really wanted to stay with. That feeling was deep down especially since your friends died. When they died, deep down, you wanted nothing else but to die. That inner feeling was what awakened the voices in your head. But now that you want to stay alive and be with the ones (or one) that you love, the voice had no reason to stay around. That's my theory at least."

Amu smiled, "so everything is over?" Doctor Souma smiled, "almost, you will still have to go through a recovery period, and people probably have found out about your little attempt, but besides that, yes everything is over." "Will people laugh at me?" The doctor shrugged, "most likely a few will-" Ikuto cut in, "if anyone dares bully you I will deal with them Amu. I will protect you. I promise." Amu's mind flashed to when he knealt in front of her and kissed her hand, she blushed, "thank you, Ikuto." She stretched up on her tippy-toes and kissed his cheek.

 **It's not over yet, don't worry.**


	22. Chapter 22

_**Chapter 22**_

After a day, Amu was released from the hospital and was sent home. As soon as she was out of the hospital, she started to run circles around Ikuto and Utau. She was smiling, feeling truly free for the first time since her friends died. Ikuto looked at the girl and smiled. That's when Amu smirked, and tapped Utau, "you're it." It took a second for Utau to figure out what happened. Then, "AMU! I'm going to get you!" she growled. Amu giggled as the angry Utau chased after her.

Utau chased Amu to the park, so there they were. Amu snaking around the playground equipment. That's when she ran up to the top of a slide. Utau was coming up quickly after. Amu looked over to the left? 'No, can't go there', right? 'No, not there either.' Amu shrugged, 'guess that leaves me no other choice.' Amu jumped off the slide. Utau saw nothing but a blur speed past her to the ground. She looked down to see Amu land gracefully at the bottom and run off. "Darn you Amu!" And she slid down again.

They were having so much fun that they didn't notice that it was dark until Ikuto called out to them, "Yo! We need to get home for dinner!" The two girls nodded and walked towards Ikuto. Nudging each other the whole way and whispering, "you're it." "no you're it." Finally Ikuto stood behind them, annoyed and tapped them. "You're both it!" The girls were about to argue until they saw Ikuto's face. They then both ran away, screaming about scary Ikuto the whole way.

When they got home they saw that Souko and Aruto were already eating. Ikuto quickly rushed over to the table and started to shovel food into his mouth. Amu and Utau shrugged and sat down at the table. While they were eating they were having a debate on who won that game of tag. After about 2 minutes they were silenced by Ikuto's murderous look.

Laughing, Amu dragged Utau to the sound proof room, but this time she left the door open. "Ready to play something?" Utau looked at Amu, but what do we sing?" "I'll play a melody and just let the lyrics come naturally." Utau shrugged, "Can't hurt." Amu started to play on the piano, Utau quickly started to sing,

 _She lives in the shadow of a lonely girl  
Voice so quiet you don't hear a word,  
Always talking but she can't be heard,_

 _You can see it there if you catch her eye,  
I know she's brave but it's trapped inside,  
Scared to talk but she don't know why,_

 _Wish I knew back then,  
What I know now,  
Wish I could somehow,  
Go back in time and maybe listen to my own advice,_

 _I'd tell her to speak up, tell her to shout out,_ Amu joined in then and they both sang in harmony. _  
Talk a bit louder, be a bit prouder,  
Tell her she's beautiful, wonderful,  
Everything she doesn't see,_

 _You gotta speak up, you gotta shout out,  
And know that right here, right now,  
You can be beautiful, wonderful,  
Anything you wanna be,_

 _Little me_

 _Yeah you got a lot of time to act your age,  
You cannot write a book from a single page,  
Hands on the clock only turn one way,_

 _(Yeah)_

 _Run too fast and risk it all,  
Can't be afraid to take a fall,  
Felt so big but you looked so small,_

 _Wish I knew back then,  
What I know now,  
Wish I could somehow,  
Go back in time and maybe listen to my own advice,_

 _I'd tell her to speak up, tell her to shout out,  
Talk a bit louder, be a bit prouder,  
Tell her she's beautiful, wonderful,  
Everything she doesn't see._

 _You gotta speak up, you gotta shout out,  
And know that right here, right now,  
You can be beautiful, wonderful,  
Anything you wanna be, oh,  
Little me_

 _Little me_

 _Tell you one thing I would say to her_

 _I'd tell her to speak up, tell her to shout out,  
Talk a bit louder, be a bit prouder,  
Tell her she's beautiful, wonderful,  
Everything she doesn't see._

 _You gotta speak up, you gotta shout out,  
And know that right here, right now,  
You can be beautiful, wonderful,  
Anything you wanna be (Little me)_

 _I'd tell her to speak up, tell her to shout out,  
Talk a bit louder, be a bit prouder,  
Tell her she's beautiful, wonderful,  
Everything she doesn't see._

 _You gotta speak up, you gotta shout out,  
And know that right here, right now,  
You can be beautiful, wonderful,  
Anything you wanna be,_

 _I'd tell her to speak up, tell her to shout out,  
Talk a bit louder, be a bit prouder,  
Tell her she's beautiful, wonderful,  
Everything she doesn't see._

 _You gotta speak up, you gotta shout out,  
And know that right here, right now,  
You can be beautiful, wonderful,  
Anything you wanna be,_

 _Little me_

The girls were surprised to hear clapping when they were finished. They had been so absorbed by the music that they forgot that the door was open. They whipped around to see that it was Ikuto. "Ikuto, when did you get here?" Amu asked, kind of embarrassed. "About 1 minute into your song. Is that bad?" Amu turned super red, "but you had to hear my terrible piano playing!" Ikuto chuckled, "it wasn't terrible, and even if it was, what about Utau? She heard it too." Amu looked at Utau, then back at Ikuto and turned bright red. "Oh, it's ok my little strawberry, I can assure you that it was amazing." He wrapped his arms around Amu's waist and pulled her back into his chest. If possible, Amu's face reddened even more. "I-Ikuto! What are you doing?" Ikuto smirked, "why, hugging my cute little strawberry of course." "You weirdo cat," Amu whispered. "Ah, but I'm _your_ cat Amu." "Ikuto!"

As this whole cute seen, Utau quietly slipped out of the room. As soon as she was out, giggling. She closed the door, and locked it. "That should give them some alone time for a while." Utau couldn't hold it in anymore, and she squealed. "They're so cute!" That's when her mother appeared. "Who's so cute?" she inquired. Utau nervously laughed, "oh, just um…" "Amu and Ikuto?" Utau nodded, embarrassed at being caught at setting the two together. Souko smiled, "I'm glad that you're over your Ikuto-obsession." Utau reddened even more, "you knew about that?!" "Of course, you might have been able to hide it from your father, but you can't hide things from your mother. Utau looked at the door where she locked the two, "yeah, I'm definitely over that. I lo-like someone else now. Besides, Amu deserves Ikuto, and the other way around. I just wish they would go a little faster." "Thus the locking of the two of them in a soundproof room?" Souko inquired, "yes." Souko smiled, "then I'll leave you to it." Utau breathed out a deep breath, "I hope this works."

 _ **Meanwhile**_

Amu, still blushing, was walking out of the room. Until she met the door. She tried to open the door, but the doorknob wouldn't even turn. Ikuto smirked, "looks like Utau locked us in here." "Great, so now I'm stuck with the hentai cat," Amu grumbled. "Now Amu, do you really know what that means?" Amu blushed brightly, "y-yes, of course I do!" Ikuto smirked, "then why don't I show you what a true 'hentai cat' does?" Amu backed away from the boy. Ikuto just kept walking closer and closer. Amu was starting to get nervous; Ikuto really did look serious. Ikuto stopped right in front of her, and placed his mouth just above her neck. Then suddenly-


	23. Chapter 23

_**Chapter 23**_

Ikuto whispered, "you really thought I would do something, didn't you?" Amu blushed. "You should know that I wouldn't. I promised I would protect you. I'm not going back on that… unless you want me to." Amu looked away, she kind of did, just not that. Amu smiled, "while I don't want you to do that, how about this?" Amu reached up on her tippy-toes and kissed him, on the lips.

She was about to back away from him, ending the kiss, when Ikuto grabbed her waist and pulled her closer to him. Amu's eyes widened. She had not expected that. Ikuto started to deepen the kiss and Amu followed suit. Amu lifted her hands up and wrapped them around Ikuto's neck. Her heart felt like it was swelling up like a balloon.

Finally, they had to stop for breathe. Ikuto was smirking, "so I take that as a sign that you like me?" "no." Ikuto's smirk fell right off his face. "You can take that as a sign that I love you." Ikuto's smirk was back on. "Well _my_ little strawberry, I love you to." Amu smiled her sweet smile at Ikuto. "I guess you can call me that, but not in public." Ikuto shrugged, "I guess I could live with that, it's going to hard." Amu petted Ikuto's hair, only to receive a cat-like purr from the boy whose eyes were now closed. Amu smiled, "you really are just like a cat Ikuto," she was about to stop when a hand grabbed hers, Amu looked shocked at Ikuto. "You can't just leave a guy hanging like that." Amu giggled and kept petting Ikuto.

Finally after 10 minutes Amu decided to stop. Ikuto had been swaying on his feet for the past 5 minutes, if she did any more, Ikuto would probably fall over. Ikuto slowly opened his eyes at the girl, "why'd you stop?" he mumbled. Amu pointed to the clock, "I wish to go to bed. Is there a problem?" Ikuto shook his head. "Maybe I'll go to bed with you." Amu just brought her fist down on top of his head. "hentai cat." "Aw Amu, you could at least say that I'm _your_ hentai cat. For I am completely yours." Amu blushed, and muttered, "you could at least try to deny that you're a hentai."

Then she tried the door, it was still hard to open, but it was now budging slightly. She put her foot up, and gave it a good kick. It instantly flew open. She looked for Utau and found her, lying on the ground a few feet away and rubbing her head. Amu sighed and went to get her an icepack.

When Amu came back, Utau was wiggling her eyebrows at Amu. "So Amu, what did you two do in there together." Amu looked at Utau with a blank look, "what do you mean?" "Oh I don't know, you two were locked together all alone in a soundproof room." It still took a few seconds for Amu to figure out what her friend met, when she did, "AAH! Utau! I can't believe you would think that I would do such a thing!" "What about me?" Ikuto put in. Amu didn't even look at him as she said, "I would expect you to do that sort of thing Ikuto." Ikuto smirked, "then why didn't I?" "Because you probably have a fever." "Then check my temperature." Amu blushed. She slowly put her hand to Ikuto's forehead. That's when Ikuto took her hand and bent down to kiss it.

Utau smiled. 'Those two can't get any cuter.' That's when she got a text from a special someone. _'hey you doing anything tomorrow?'_ Utau smiled and texted back, ' _nope, why?_ ' A few seconds later, ' _you, me, and dinner at that new ramen shop.'_ Utau's smile turned into a grin. ' _of course! Hey, how about we bring Ikuto and Amu as a double date?' 'That would be awesome! As long as I get to see my little butterfly.'_ Utau blushed at this. She sighed happily and walked to her room. 'I can't wait to see him.'

 _ **The next morning**_

Amu got up early to get dressed. She was elated, today was her first day as Ikuto's girlfriend. She decided to leave her hair down, she wore a plain grey v-neck t-shirt with a black cat on it. She wore black slightly skinny jeans with small rips at the knees. She also wore white knee-high red lace up boots. Amu smiled at herself in the mirror, she decided to leave her headphones on her desk. She didn't need them anymore.

Amu ran out of the room and down the stairs, a smile on her face. Utau and Ikuto were just starting to walk out the door when Amu came and grabbed their arms and dragged them out the door. Amu was laughing at the looks on their faces. She was running backwards, but she decided that they were taking too long, so she just ran on ahead. Her smile brightened when she reached the school. She hadn't been there for a few days, she was ready to be back and see her friends. She was glad to see everybody.

Well, except for the mad red-haired girl who was standing right in front of her. Amu glared at Saaya, "you need something?" "Yeah, you stole my boyfriend, prepare for your punishment.' Amu smirked, "if you can even catch me." Saaya threw a punch at Amu. Amu easily dodged it, Saaya threw her leg out to trip Amu, but Amu easily side-stepped it. "Look Saaya, I don't want to be your enemy." Saaya started to laugh, then suddenly stopped, "if you didn't want to be my enemy you wouldn't have stolen my boyfriend." "I didn't, he simply broke up with you." "Yeah, but then you became his girlfriend." Amu shrugged, "I can't help if I love him."

Saaya glared, "a girl who attempted suicide doesn't deserve a great guy like Ikuto." Amu glared, "if you don't understand the circumstances to that, you have no right to mention that." "I understand enough." Amu refused to hurt Saaya, but she was definitely tempted to rip Saaya's tongue out of her mouth and incinerate it. She didn't though. Saaya threw another punch, and another, and another. Amu just kept dodging. That's when Amu got an idea, she took out her music, turned up the volume and played a song. Singing to it. **(I'm in love by Ola)**

 _Stole my heart on Monday  
She had me deep on Tuesday  
Shut me up on Wednesday  
Rewind it back the day before  
Stole my heart on Monday  
She had me deep on Tuesday  
Shut me up on Wednesday  
Wish I was not  
Wish I was not  
But I am in love  
But I am in love  
I am in love  
Love love  
I am in love  
I am in love  
I am in love  
Love love_

 _Yeah  
What you are gonna say  
I am a sucker when she pulls her game  
What you are gonna do  
I am a junk when she calls my name  
I am in love  
I am in love  
Love love_

 _Check my pulse  
Somebody call this stupid  
Wake me up or lose me  
I messed it up messed it up  
Turn me upside down  
This girl  
Turn me inside out  
This girl  
What you want me to say  
I messed it up messed it up  
Cause  
I am in love  
I am in love  
Love love  
I am in love  
I am in love  
Love love  
I am in love  
I am in love  
Love love  
Yeah  
What you are gonna say  
I am a sucker when she pulls her game  
What you are gonna do  
I am a junk when she calls my name  
I am in love  
I am in love  
Love love_

 _Yeah  
All ire ally want to was to have a little piece of you  
I never meant to fall no no no  
Yeah  
What you are gonna say  
I am a sucker when she pulls her game  
What you are gonna do  
I am a junk when she calls my name  
I am in love  
I am in love  
Love love  
I am in love  
I am in love  
I am in love  
I am in love  
I am in love  
I am in love  
Yeah I am in love  
_In the end, Saaya and Amu were singing together, just having fun and messing around. The power of music. That's when Utau and her friends came, glaring at them. The two girls cowered until, "you didn't invite us to your dance party?!" Amu smiled and pulled up another song. "How about this." **(Zero by Varsity Fanclub)**

 _Varsity  
Red One  
P stone_

 _(Verse 1)  
You ain't going nowhere long as he's the driver  
You can ride with him but he'll never be the same, same, same  
One look at ya tells me that you wanna be taken higher  
See the problem is you wish he could make you feel the way I do_

 _Why waste time when you know I got it?  
C'mon girl, you know you want it  
You know it's impossible  
To get what you're looking for from him  
He can't do it like me, I'm goin' prove it  
I got a question can you help me out?_

 _(Chrous)  
How many people can do it like me? Zero  
Keep it so cool like me, zero  
Girl, you know there ain't nobody, nobody else_

 _That can make it so hot like me, zero  
Take it to the top like me, zero  
Girl, you know there ain't nobody, nobody, zero_

 _It ain't a good look without me in your corner  
You can rock with him but he'll never fill my space, space, space  
One look at him tells me that he ain't the right one for you  
I don't understand why you settle being here in second place_

 _Why waste time when you know I got it?  
C'mon girl, you know you want it  
You know it's impossible  
To get what you're looking for from him  
He can't do it like me, I'm goin' prove it  
I got a question can you help me out?_

 _How many people can do it like me? Zero  
Keep it so cool like me, zero  
Girl, you know there ain't nobody, nobody else_

 _That can make it so hot like me, zero  
Take it to the top like me, zero  
Girl, you know there ain't nobody, nobody, zero_

 _There's only one guy that can make you feel right  
That's me, myself and I  
So why even try to make it work with him  
When you know I'm the original_

 _How many people can do it like me? Zero  
Keep it so cool like me, zero  
Girl, you know there ain't nobody, nobody else_

 _That can make it so hot like me, zero  
Take it to the top like me, zero  
Girl, you know there ain't nobody, nobody_

 _How many people can do it like me? Zero  
Keep it so cool like me, zero  
Girl, you know there ain't nobody, nobody else_

 _That can make it so hot like me, zero  
Take it to the top like me, zero  
Girl, you know there ain't nobody, nobody, zero_

 _Girl, you know there ain't nobody, nobody else  
Keep it so cool like me, zero  
Girl, you know there ain't nobody, nobody else_

 _That can make it so hot like me, zero  
Take it to the top like me, zero  
Girl, you know there ain't nobody, nobody, zero_

Everybody was dancing to the music, almost the whole school. I mean come on, Amu was able to pick awesome music. Even some of the teachers were dancing to the music. At the last set of lyrics, Ikuto whispered in Amu's ear, "Girl you know there ain't nobody, nobody zero," and then he kissed her. Saaya saw it, and she actually understood Ikuto's feelings. 'After two years of dating Ikuto I could never get out of him what Amu got out of him in just a few weeks.' But Sayaa being Sayaa, 'but don't worry Amu, I'm not giving up yet. One day I'll beat you for sure.' Her eyes were aflame with determination until… "Oh, sorry about that, I didn't mean to bump into you." Saaya turned around to see Tadase. Hearts appeared in her eyes, and she latched onto his arm, "no it's ok, actually, it's more than fine!"

Utau was smiling at Amu and Ikuto. "Finally, someone Ikuto and Amu deserves." That's when she felt a tap at her shoulder. She turned around to see Kukai, "am I someone you deserve?" Utau smirked, "nope." Kukai's imaginary dog ears drooped, "you are way better." Kukai's imaginary dog ears perked up again, and he kissed Utau. When they finished, "ready for that double-date tonight?" Utau smiled and nodded her head. "Definitely, and don't think I'm going to go easy on you just because you're my boyfriend now. I will definitely eat way more ramen than you." "Just try it my little butterfly." Then Utau turned her head to Amu, "she seems so much more happy now that her mental problem is gone." Kukai nodded, "definitely, she seems like a whole new person. Those voices were really keeping her down." "Yeah, I'm happy for them."

 _ **Meanwhile**_

"So my little strawberry, you _do_ like me." Amu blushed, "I thought you said you wouldn't use that name in public, it's so embarrassing." Ikuto sighed, "I suppose I can wait," then he gave Amu a sly look, "as long as you give me a kiss." Amu slowly reached up, Ikuto closed his eyes, and…

Amu kissed him on the hand. "There. Now you have to wait to call me by that name." Ikuto looked down disappointed, but Amu had already run away. Ikuto chuckled, "she's definitely special alright, but that's why I love her and have to protect her." And with that, Ikuto followed by Utau and Kukai, went to class.

 _ **Years Later**_

Utau was helping Amu get ready for the biggest moment of her big day. "Are you ready Amu?" Amu took a deep breath before she spoke, "Yeah, I'm super nervous though." "Don't worry, you look beautiful." Utau checked the clock, "it's time for you to go." Amu nodded, and opened the door and took her father's arm.

Ikuto was looking down the aisle Kukai, his best man, standing right next to him. "You ready for this?" Ikuto nodded, "but I'm a tad nervous." "What? My man, Ikuto the coolest most calmest dude, nervous? Just realax." "Yeah, this coming from the man who almost peed his pants from nerves when he married my sister." "Hey, I didn't. Besides think about the future instead. It's worth it. I mean, just look at Utau and me." "You're such an-" Suddenly the music started, Ikuto snapped his head to attention. There she was, his little strawberry, beaming and blushing just like how she did all of those years ago when they had their first kiss.

When Amu reached Ikuto, everything fear and nerve seemed to melt away and the actual ceremony went by quickly. When it was over, "Amu, I promised that I would always protect you. Now I really can, for as long as we live." Amu smiled, "yeah. I love you Ikuto." And they came together in a beautiful, everlasting kiss that showed their eternal promise to eachother.

 _ **The End**_

 **So how did you like it? Was the story good? That was my first ever Shugo Chara fanfic so I didn't know if it would be good.**


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